


Distant Shores

by Elerrina174



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Cullen Rutherford Smut, Cullenlingus, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Kissing, Love, Love Confessions, Lyrium Withdrawal, MGiT, Modern Girl in Thedas, Neck Kissing, Orgasm, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Physical Abuse, Romance, Simultaneous Orgasm, Slow Burn, Smut, Temporary Amnesia, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-03-20 11:33:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 41,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13716828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elerrina174/pseuds/Elerrina174
Summary: Waking up with amnesia is one thing, but waking up with amnesia in a world that isn't your own is a whole nother story.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for taking the time to read this story, I hope you like it! Kudos and comments appreciated as they motivate me to write.

Prologue:

Darkness enveloped her, the icy cold water stole all of the heat from her body. Her lungs were screaming for air causing her chest to burn and ache. Multicolored spots danced in front of her eyes. Her arms and legs flailed about helplessly in the dark foreboding water. 

Suddenly her head breached the surface, briny water running down her face. She barely had enough time to suck in a desperate breath before a white-capped wave crashed into her small frame. The collision threw her back underneath the indigo water tumbling her around until she couldn't tell up from down. 

The last bit of strength she had was slowly being depleted as she struggled to make it back to the air her body craved. She opened her eyes beneath the water, looking for the light from the surface to guide her, but it was hopeless. She didn't have enough strength left to close the gap between herself and the faint saving light of the turquoise surface.

So she let go, sinking further and further into the darkness beneath her, letting it envelop her completely. Her eyes slowly closed as she was overcome with a feeling of peace, letting the sound of the waves and rain above lull her to sleep.

Chapter 1:

Gentle rain splattered on her face and trickled down her cheek. She drew in a shaky weak breath, her lungs feeling stiff and unused, as they burned with the new air swirling inside of them. She kept her eyes closed as she breathed in her surroundings, smelling dirt and fresh rain. 

She felt chilled and could feel a soft breeze whispering across her wet skin and clothes. She could hear the sound of waves breaking on the shore and could feel icy water lapping at the bottoms of her feet. The ground was hard and uneven beneath her. The stones she lay on were wet and cool, sucking some of the heat from her body. Birds were cawing loudly somewhere in the distance.

She tried to open her eyes to look around, tried to force her body to move, but she didn't have the strength. So she just lay there barely breathing and too weak to get up.

She didn't know how much time had past before she heard something. It sounded like fighting and then talking but it was too distant and quiet to make out what they were saying. She wasn't worried until she heard footsteps which were slowly drawing closer. She couldn't decide if she should be excited or scared, she knew she needed help but she had no idea where she was, what had happened or who these people were.

“Wait! Look someone’s lying on the beach.” A woman spoke close by and soon the steps grew louder and harder as they ran up next to her.

“Be careful Herald!” Another woman with a different accent said which was immediately followed by the sound of metal.

“Put that away, Cassandra”

“Yeah come on Seeker loosen up, look at her. Is she even alive?” A man added.

She could feel her breath come back at her briefly as someone put something in front of her face.

“She's breathing, but just barely. She needs help.” The first woman said as she felt a warm hand placed on her shoulder. 

“You can't seriously be suggesting that we bring her back to Haven.” The suspicious woman answered.

“That's exactly what I’m suggesting, we can't just leave her here to die Cassandra.”

“We don't know who she is Herald.”

“She doesn't look Tevinter.” A man with an even deeper voice than the first chimed in.

“She's coming with us Cassandra and that's final, Iron Bull if you'd please.”

“Sure thing boss.” 

The last thing she felt was large hands picking her up before she lost consciousness.

The next time she awoke she was lying on her back, warm and comfortable. She was wrapped in blankets atop a bed, her head propped up on a pillow. Her eyes were still closed but she was breathing much better now and could feel the strength coming back to her. 

As she gained consciousness again she realized she was not the only one in the room. Someone was arguing close by and she could hear large feet pacing the floor.

“What was she thinking? You were with her Cassandra, why didn't you stop her?” Said an annoyed male voice she had never heard before.

“I tried to Commander but you know how she is.” Answered the angry woman from earlier.

“Yes, she is too headstrong for her own good.” He let out an aggravated sigh, “First she sides with the mages and now this. Is she trying to ruin the Inquisition before it has even started.”

She heard the door open and shut as someone entered the room.

“Commander, Seeker,” the young kind woman from the beach addressed the others in the room. “How is she?”

“The healer says she is recovering but we still don't know anything about her. What were you thinking Herald?”

“I was thinking that there was a young lady who needed our help, the Inquisition’s job is to help people-”

“Not people that could be Tevinter or Red Templar spies!” The man angrily interrupted the lady they called Herald.

“Well, that's why there are guards at the door.” the Herald responded calmly

“Yes, but there shouldn't have to be because she should never have been brought here in the first place!”

“Are you telling me, Commander, that in all of your chivalry and that gentlemanly nature of yours you would have been able to find it in yourself to leave a poor young woman like this in obvious distress to just die?”

“I-” he faltered briefly before regaining his momentum “If it was for the good of the Inquisition, yes.”

The Herald snorted “I find that hard to believe.” she took a breath “Now, despite our disagreeances, she is here and this is where she will stay until she is awake and well enough to leave on her own. If she is a spy we will address that when she wakes up.”

“But-” He tried to continue the argument.

“That's final Commander.” the Herald quickly shut him down.

She fell back asleep to the peace and quiet that followed everyone leaving her room. 

She didn't know how long it was before she was woken once again by the presences of someone in her room. She was still lying on the bed but this time she blinked open her eyes to sunlight streaming through small windows around the one-room cabin her bed occupied. Candlelight further lit the room as it cast a different colored light on the walls emphasizing the faint shadows the sunlight already created.

She glanced around the room, moving her body slowly and stiffly. Her eyes landed on the back of a large form clad in armor which was bent over a desk on the other side of the room. She watched the man rifle through papers and clothes which lay on top of the desk. 

“Where am I?” She spoke in a soft, pathetic voice that was just barely audible in the quiet room. Her throat was dry and she had not known if her voice would work when she had tried to speak.

She obviously startled the man, who flinched and dropped what was in his hands before he whipped around at lightning speed, drawing the sword from his belt and closing the distance between them in two strides. She sat up quickly, not paying attention as the sheet around her body fell down her chest. She scooted herself away from the tip of the blade now pointed at her throat and soon found her back flush against the wooden wall behind her. She gasped, wide terrified eyes fixed on the man in front of her.

“Who are you?!” He said in an aggressive tone, glaring at her suspiciously.

“I-I-” Her mind grabbled and searched for an answer the seemed to be just beyond her reach. Who was she? She couldn't remember, she didn't even know her own name. Panic soon filled her at this realization. “I-I don't know.”

“You don't know?” He knitted his eyebrows together as he watched her.

“I can't remember.” She raised her panic filled eyes to his, begging him for help.

His stance softened slightly as he noticed the genuine concern and hysteria in her eyes. 

She pulled the sheets from her body, ignoring the chill it brought as the cool air hit her exposed skin. Only then did she realize they had taken her clothes and she was now dressed in nothing but light smalls and a breast band. She ignored her lack of proper clothing and instead pushed herself to the edge of the bed also ignoring the man’s insistent objections and the sword which he still held in his hand as she tried to stand up.

She put her bare feet on the ground and used the edge of the bed to push herself into a standing position. She only stayed upright for a second before her weak atrophied legs gave out beneath her. Luckily, before she hit the floor the man caught her with his arm and helped her sit back down on the bed. 

She was breathing heavily now, more from the anxiety she felt and not the physical exertion of standing. The man had put his sword away after seeing her weakness but still observed her warily. 

“You don't know who you are?” He finally asked after a moment of silence. 

“No, I can't even remember my name.” 

“Hold on,” he walked over to the desk and pick something up off the top of it. “Maybe this will help.” He placed a small laminated object in her lap. “That's you isn't it?”

“Yes.” It was her driver's license, she examined the small card carefully. “Maya, my name’s Maya.” She tucked a salt-laden piece of blonde hair behind her ear, “I was born in 1995 and I live in Salt Lake City Utah.” 

“1995, Salt Lake City Utah? What? How old are you? Where is this city, I’ve never heard of it?” He looked at her, completely perplexed.

“Well, what year is it?”

“9:41 Dragon”

“Dragon? That can't be right” She grabbed her head, “I’m so confused.” She started to panic even more, “Where am I, what’s going on, who are you?”

“I’m Cullen Rutherford, Commander of the Inquisition’s forces. You are in Haven. The leader of the Inquisition, Evelyn Trevelyan, who is referred to as the Herald of Andraste brought you here after she found you close to death on the beach of the Storm Coast.”

Maya put her face in her hands, “This all seems so foreign but I can't remember anything.”

“I will get the healer, maybe she can help you.” and with that he left the room, leaving Maya alone with her thoughts and fears.


	2. Chapter 2

Maya lay on her bed, curled up on her side facing the wall. The healer had just finished examining her and was now sharing her findings with the Commander, the Herald, and two other women. Maya was still in shock, she had heard what the healer had said but it didn't make any sense. She was still trying to grasp her current situation as she listened to the healer tell the story to the others. 

“I can't find anything wrong with her.” The healer told the others wiping her hands on her apron.

“Nothing?” The Commander asked sounding surprised, “Then why can't she remember anything?”

“I'm not sure, it's possible that she sustained some sort of head injury that could have affected her memory, or maybe an emotional trauma.”

“Or she's lying.” The Commander lowered his voice as he said this but Maya could still hear him.

“Why would she do that Commander?” The Herald replied skeptically.

“Well, why do people lie Herald? Hmm? To hide things, this is why she should never have been brought here. She could be a spy.”

“Oh please, Commander-”

“Wait, Herald,” the woman Maya had never heard before spoke up. “He does have a point. I've looked into this and I can't find any information about her. We have no way to verify her story.” The Commander snorted in triumph, “Or disprove her story,” the woman quickly continued, shutting him down. “So as of right now, we have no way to know for sure.”

“Then what do you suggest Leliana?” The Herald asked.

“If she truly can't remember then we should help her, however, if she is lying then she poses a threat to the entire Inquisition. She needs to be watched constantly until we are sure she is not a danger.”

The Herald didn't answer for a moment, obviously thinking, “That sounds like the best option. Commander, find a place for our guest to stay, and Sister I'm sure you'll put your best people on this.”

“Yes, Herald,” the two said almost in unison as they filed out of the room.

Maya rolled over once she thought everyone had left. Only to find the Commander standing with his arms crossed looking at her with an unhappy expression.

“Come on we've got to find you a place to stay.” He motioned for her to join him as he headed toward the door, but she didn't move. He stopped once he realized she wasn't following him and turned to face her, “Come on, I don't have all day.” He seemed annoyed.

“I can't.” Maya was still lying in the bed.

“What do you mean you can't? You're lucky you're getting an actual place to stay and not just the dungeon where I think you belong. If not for the Herald you-” 

Maya sat up, letting the sheet fall from her half naked body as she just stared at the Commander, letting him put it together himself.

“Oh” the Commander blushed and reached for his neck awkwardly, “I see, well I'm sure there must be something for you to wear in here.” He walked over to the dresser and began rummaging through the drawers.

Maya moved the sheet back up over herself as she watched him. His head was bent over the dresser for a moment before he stood back up holding a shirt and pair of breeches.

“There wasn't any women's clothing but here is a shirt and pair of breeches for now.” He handed the clothing to her but Maya didn't move, “Oh, um, right.” He turned around to give her some privacy.

Maya stood and changed into the too large clothes, she tucked the shirt into the pants which needed a rope to hold them up. She didn't have any shoes so she followed the Commander out of the cabin barefoot, the cold snow freezing her toes the second she stepped out of the warm room.

He led her through the small village and out of the gates. They ended up at a small tent on the outskirts of the forces tents which were set up around a training field which was currently filled with men practicing.

“This is where you will be staying.” He motioned to the tent, “Make yourself comfortable, I'll have someone bring you more appropriate clothing.” He gave her a once over as he said this, “Now I must go and discuss what exactly it is we are supposed to do with you.” He began to walk away before turning back around, “Don't leave the tent.”

Maya watched him leave before she went into the tent and looked around. It was sparsely furnished with a cot on one side and a chest on the other. She plopped down on the cot and put her face in her hands. She was so confused, she had a feeling that everything was wrong but since she couldn't remember anything so she didn't know why. So she just sighed and waited to get some proper clothing.

It felt like forever before Maya was called from her tent. A woman had brought her some clothing earlier, a shirt, coat, and pair of pants that actually fit. She also had shoes now, which she was very thankful for. The soldier had come and brought her from her tent to talk to the Commander who was out training his men.

“I’ve spoken to the Herald and Sister Leliana and we’ve decided that the best way to keep our eyes on you is for you to be constantly surrounded by our people, so” he motioned for a nearby soldier, who was carrying armor and weapons, to approach her, “You will train with the men. You will not actually be part of the military and will not be privy to any delicate information as you still cannot be trusted but this way you don't have to sit in a tent all day and we can still keep an eye on you.” He glanced over at her now “Understood.”

“Yes… sir?” 

He nodded his approval and then dismissed her to go change, apparently her training started right now.


	3. Chapter 3

Maya hit the ground with a thump, the dirt beneath her doing nothing to cushion her fall. It was the fifth time in the last half hour that she had ended up on her butt. She had been training with the rest of the men for a couple of days now and had not improved in the slightest.

“Again!!” the Commander yelled from the sidelines as he paced back and forth observing the men.

Maya groaned as she got back up and faced her opponent. The Commander’s disdain for her was obvious not only to Maya but to the rest of the men. He had not gone easy on her these past couple of days. He had given her no help, no prior training or tips, just thrown her in with the rest of the men to see if she would sink or swim and currently she was sinking.

Maya could tell she had never fought before, she may not be able to remember her past but her body knew what it had been taught to do and what it hadn't. Everything felt new, she didn't know how to put on armor, hold a sword and shield or fight, but the Commander didn't care. Maya was sore all over and constantly exhausted, she barely had time to remember that she had no memory with everything he was putting her through.

Her opponent's shield struck her own and sent her sliding backward across the ground. She tried to regain her footing as he came charging at her, aiming his blunt sword at her legs. The impact was brutal, Maya’s legs were swept out from underneath her and she toppled to the ground once again. She pushed herself up out of the dirt as she tried to catch her breath. A hand appeared in her line of sight and she gladly accepted it, as the young soldier she was fighting helped her to her feet.

“He’s always tough on the new recruits.” He offered to her kindly, patting her on the shoulder before taking up his place across from her again.

_This hard?_ She thought as she brought her shield back up readying herself once again. The men just thought she was a new recruit, they had no idea who she actually was or why the Commander seemed to hate her so much. The only ones who knew her true origins were the people in charge and some of Sister Leliana’s people who were tasked with watching her. She knew they tried to be stealthy but she could always find them if she looked hard enough.

Maya stared her opponent down hard, this time she was determined to get in at least one good hit. He dodged her first couple of swings but she finally landed a good blow, throwing him off balance. She thought she had him as she brought her sword down again but he managed to jump out of the way, avoiding it, and hit her in the side with his shield. He had gotten her right in the lower ribs, knocking all of the air from her lungs. He backed off as she keeled over gasping for breath.

“Oh for the love of-” The Commander strode over aggravatedly, he ripped the shield from her hand, “It’s a shield, you're supposed to block with it.” He took her sword now too, before rubbing a hand down his face, “Go over to archery, maybe you'll have better luck there.”

Maya grudgingly trudged over to the targets set up for archery and retrieved a bow from the rack. She had gotten a crash course in archery from a kind soldier when she first started so she at least knew a little of what she was supposed to do.

She nocked an arrow and brought the bow up into position. She could feel the Commander’s eyes on her back which just added more pressure. She wanted to prove that she could do something, anything right. So she took aim and launched the arrow. It landed to the left of the target’s middle. _At least it hit the target_ , Maya thought as she nocked another arrow.

She fired off a few more without any misshapes and was feeling pretty good about herself when someone bumped into her making her twist around. She accidentally released the arrow which went flying past, of course, the Commander’s head and into the tent behind him. Maya cringed as she watched him look from the arrow to her and then began stalking towards her.

“Give me that!” He pulled the bow from her hands, “Go to your tent, you're done for the day. Maybe you can study how to properly fight while you're in there.”

Maya plodded off to her tent, feeling like a small child being sent to their room for misbehaving. She spent the rest of the day in there with nothing to do besides what the Commander had suggested. So she sat reading page after page of instructions on proper fighting techniques some of which were illustrated which made it much more easier to understand. After a few hours, she heard someone talking lowly outside of her tent.

“I take it back, she's not a spy, there’s no way, not with how she fights.” The Commander was saying.

“So you admit I was right.” the Herald replied smugly.

“No, I'm just saying unless she is an amazing actor, she has no prior experience even holding a sword.”

“So we can stop all of this ridiculousness, and finally let her become a proper part of the Inquisition instead of a prisoner in disguise?”

“No, she’s hiding something, she has to be. No normal person ends up on a beach of the storm coast half dead with no memory. I don't trust her.”

“So nothing has changed, you're still convinced she's hiding something and she’s still forced to put up with you mistreating her every day.”

“I do not mistreat her!”

“Oh really? Then what do you call it Cullen?”

“I'm… training her.” He stuttered out, not sounding convinced himself.

“Right, whatever you say, just try not to kill her in the process.” The Commander tried to argue back but the Herald was obviously already walking away.

Maya flopped down onto her cot again, she knew it was not going to be easy, but somehow she was going to earn the Commander’s trust.


	4. Chapter 4

Maya had spent the last couple of days reading and practicing whenever she had the chance. She was determined to get better, to prove to the Commander that she wasn't totally useless, no matter how hard of a task that was.

Right now she was sitting in the tavern eating lunch, scanning over a book in front of her. It was on proper stances for shield wielding and she was planning on trying out a few of the moves after lunch. She flipped the page with her clean hand as she shoveled more food into her mouth with the other.

“Is this the one you call Salty, Varric?” Maya looked up to find a blonde haired elf eyeing her curiously from across the table, she hadn't even heard her sit down.

“That’s the one.” The dwarf appeared at the side of the table as the elf leaned across peering at Maya’s face.

“She doesn't look very salty,” The elf picked up a stray piece of Maya’s blonde hair and held it up with two fingers before letting it fall back down.

“You should have seen her when we first picked her up off the coast, she was so waterlogged and salt-laden she probably weighed an extra thirty pounds.”

“Hmm,” The elf leaned even closer

“Are you two bothering our guest?” To her surprise, the person that came to her rescue was none other than the Commander himself.

“Just making some small talk, nothing too serious Curly.”

“Well make small talk elsewhere can't you see she's trying to eat, she has practice this afternoon,” he shooed them away with his hands, “Now run along.” The dwarf and elf left with a groan, “Mind if I join you?” He turned his attention to Maya now, motioning to the seat across from her which was now empty since the elf had left.

Maya wanted to say no but decided against it, “No, of course not.” she motioned for him to sit down.

“What are you reading?” He leaned toward her a little trying to see the book in front of her. She twisted the book around so he could read it, “Ah, shield wielding.”

“I'm studying like you suggested.” Maya cringed internally as this came out a little sassier than intended. The last thing she needed was to piss off the Commander even more.

“Ah, yes, that…” he looked away almost guiltily, “You've never fought before, have you?”

She shrugged, “I don't remember, but I don't think so.”

“That's what I thought,” He sighed, “The Herald has brought it to my attention that I may have been too hard on you, and while I still do not trust you, I no longer believe you to be a spy. I will try to go easier on you from now on.”

“Oh,” Maya was a little shocked, she hadn't expected this from him, “Well thank you, Commander, that would be a relief.”

“You are still expected to train, however, and I expect to see improvement over the next couple of weeks.”

“Of course sir.”

He got up to leave, “See you at practice.”

Maya watched him go, still a little shocked from the interaction before turning her attention back to the book in front of her. She hoped that with less pressure she would be able to improve more. She went to practice a couple hours later and did notice a change in the Commander, he at least wasn't yelling at her as much.

She still hadn’t improved however and training was as brutal as ever. _Why couldn't they have picked something else for me to do_ , Maya thought as she once again dragged herself back to her feet. Yet again she was getting her butt kicked by her opponent. The Commander may be going easier on her now but that didn't mean the men were.

“Stop! Stop!” The Commander yelled, walking up to them. “Maya, the shield is made for blocking, that's why it's there.” he sounded exasperated.

“I know, I’m trying.” she shifted the heavy shield awkwardly in her hand, as the Commander watched her.

“Wait, let me see that.” He came over to her and examined her shield arm, he huffed out a breath, “You’re wearing it wrong.” He took the shield from her before replacing it on her arm, adjusting the position and straps. “There, try that.”

He backed away as she and the other soldier took up their positions again. This time was different however, Maya found that she could block now and that the shield was actually useful instead of just a heavy weight on her arm. She still lost but not as badly and when she stood she wiggled her shield arm and smiled at the Commander, who watched her with an amused expression on his face.

Next, she went over to archery, which she felt much more comfortable with than a sword and shield. This time she kept the bow trained on the target and luckily avoided a repeat of the previous day. Maya went to bed that night feeling much better than she had when she woke up.

She improved over the next couple of weeks, but not fast enough. She heard rumors that the Herald was going to close the breach soon, once she acquired the mages help. Over the past month, Maya had gathered a growing amount of knowledge about her surroundings and the history of Thedas. Recently she had learned that the Herald had decided to go to the mages for help instead of the Templar’s which had angered the Commander. Apparently, she and her advisor did not see eye to eye over a lot of things.

Now there was talk of closing the breach and Maya was worried that this would come with support from the rest of the men, which included her. She was concerned that she would be expected to fight soon, so she decided to speed up her training.

She began training at night after everyone had gone to sleep. The training fields were empty so she didn't have to worry about anyone else getting in the way, or getting hurt. Thedas had two moons and plenty of stars so it was usually pretty bright at night and Maya had learned that most of the men could sleep through just about anything.

Tonight she stood in the middle of the field practicing her stances and techniques, the only downside to training alone was that she couldn't actually try her moves out against another person. She held her shield up in front of her and swung her sword around it, testing her range of motion as she held the shield in different positions.

“If you angle your body the other way you'll get a better swing.”

Maya spun around at the sudden voice behind her, dropping her sword in the process. The Commander stood a couple of feet away with his arms crossed over his chest, watching her. She stood there, frozen as he bent over and picked her sword up before handing it back to her.

“Getting some extra practice in?”

“Trying to sir.”

“Would you like a partner?”

“Um,” was he actually offering to train with her? “Sure, if you'd be willing, I could definitely use the help.” She said with a huff of a laugh.

He went to gather a sword and shield before joining her on the field. He wasn't wearing his normal armor and cloak but instead was dressed in a plain white shirt and leather breeches. He didn't look as intimidating without his armor on or that giant mane around his neck.

“Alright, now face me,” she turned to face him, “Shield up, sword- twist it a little- good, spread your feet more and angle your body to your right.” she did as he instructed, “Now, your shield is for blocking and your sword is for hitting, you can block with your sword and hit with your shield but that's for more experienced fighters, so let’s just stick with the basics for now. When you're ready, attack me.”

Maya sized him up, gathered her courage and then charged. Within seconds she was on her back blinking as she looked up at the stars. She groaned as she sat up and rubbed her head with her hand.

“That was… That was terrible, I’m not going to sugar coat it. You need a lot more practice.”

“Why do you think I’m out here in the middle of the night.”

“So you want to get better?”

She looked at him a little surprised, “Of course, I want to prove not only to myself but to you that I’m not completely useless.”

“You care what I think?”

“Yes, of course, believe it or not, Commander not everything you say goes in one ear and out the other. I know you don't like me, or trust me, and I know it's going to take a lot to prove to you that I’m not as bad as you may think, but I want to try. Whether I like it or not this is my life now and until I get my memory back there isn't much I can do to change that.”

He sighed, “I don't hate you, and I’m sorry for how I have acted toward you, it was unfair of me to judge you so quickly, it's nothing personal, I just have a hard time trusting people. I hope you can forgive me, and to make it up to you how about I give you private lessons?”

“Really? You would do that?”

“Yes, at night once everyone’s gone to sleep meet me here and I will help you.”

“Oh, thank you, Commander, you don't know how much this means to me.”

They called it quits for the night but the Commander promised to pick back up where they had left off the following night. Maya slept soundly that night, finally feeling as if things were going her way for once.


	5. Chapter 5

“This really isn't your calling.”

Maya sighed as the Commander’s face came into view as he peered down at her in concern. She stood up with his help and brushed the dirt and snow off of herself.

“You're really not cut out for this.”

“You're telling me.” She rubbed a hand over her sore backside and then bent to pick up her sword.

“This is disconcerting, I can't send you into battle like this, it would be suicide, and I'm not comfortable with that.”

“This is hopeless,” Maya whined, “It's been weeks and I haven't improved at all.” She threw her head back in a groan.

“I wish I could encourage you and say that you have but, your right.” He came back to stand in front of her.

Maya stood and thought for a moment, “Maybe I’m going about this all wrong.”

“How so?”

“Well I’ve been reading, and practicing, but I haven’t been thinking about it.”

“It's fighting, usually there isn't much thinking required.”

“Maybe not for you, but when you're apparently challenged like me, it may help.” She sat down on the ground where she was.

“What are you doing?” He gave her a weird look.

“I told you, I’m thinking.” Maya closed her eyes and called upon knowledge she knew was there but couldn't remember where she had learned it. “You're a lot bigger than me and stronger, so I can't overpower you.” She opened her eyes to find the Commander watching her curiously. “But, I can outsmart you.”

“Outsmart me?” He said as she stood up, sounding a little skeptical.

“Well not exactly outsmart you, but if I can't use my brawn then I need to use my brains.” She brought her sword up and faced the Commander.

“Alright, whatever works for you.” He brought his sword up now as well, “Ready?” She shook her head yes but before he could make the first move, she lunged forward, taking him by surprise.

They fought for a lot longer than they usually did. Instead of trying to do what she had read or seen Maya focused on what she knew. She knew for a fact that the Commander was bigger, stronger and much more experienced than she was. However, she was smaller, quicker and lither than he was, so she used that to her advantage. She focused more on dodging and moving than attacking. She used his momentum and size against him and managed to do much better than she usually did.

He eventually got the better of her and knocked her to the ground but not before she managed to get a couple of good blows in. He came over and offered her his hand to help her up. They were both out of breath so it was a while before either of them spoke.

“That was good, you went from being one of the worst recruits I’ve ever seen to that.” He was still breathing heavily so he paused for a moment, “That was impressive, how did you do that?”

“I told you, Commander, I just needed to think. Once I worked math and physics into it, honestly, it wasn't as hard as I thought.”

“Math and physics?” He scratched his head obviously a little confused.

“Yeah, you know like using your own momentum against you and changing the angle of my swings.”

He eyebrows were still knit together in confusion, “Right…” He didn't sound convinced, “Well, however you managed to improve that much in a matter of minutes do you think the same technique would work for archery?”

“Definitely, although that's why I think I’ve been better at that from the start.” She walked with him over to the targets and took the bow he handed to her.

“Alright, show me what you've got.” He backed away from her and crossed his arms as he observed.

Maya brought the bow up and fired a test shot, it shot down and to the left so she adjusted the angle and aimed it a little higher. She paused before firing the next shot and took the wind into account. Once she was sure everything was set she pulled back the arrow and fired, it just missed the center of the target and deeply wedged itself about an inch to the left of it. Maya turned around and gave the Commander a triumphant smile.

“Not bad, I see there is an improvement here as well, but I think you were better at this, to begin with. Maybe we should have you as an archer, I’m always in need of more archers.”

“I wouldn't mind that.”

“Good, then it's settled, although I still want you to practice your sword skills.”

“Yes, sir.” She saluted him a little teasingly.

“Dismissed soldier,” he replied in amusement as they both headed to their tents to retire for the night.

When he said he wanted her to practice her sword skills, he really meant it. She thought being designated as an archer would spare her from training with a sword but she was sorely mistaken. Nothing changed in her training except she was required to do more archery but that was on top of her other training and not in place of it like she had hoped. The Commander was cracking down on them just in case closing the breach went horribly wrong and their help was needed.

Maya sincerely hoped that wouldn't happen as she wasn't sure she was ready to truly fight. She had only ever seen drawings and heard descriptions of their enemies from other soldiers. She had never been in an actual fight before, at least not that she could remember.

She didn't think she was in any condition to fight, to begin with. Not only was she not prepared training wise but she wasn't getting any sleep lately. On top of the extra training she was receiving from the Commander, which cut into her sleep, she was also having nightmares.

Flashbacks of her past, of the memories she had lost haunted her sleep. It was never anything pleasant either or complete, it was always just bits and pieces of things she knew she should remember but just couldn't. Darkness, water, loud waves, a struggle, hands pulling and pushing, the feeling of helplessness as she fell, struggling for breath, so tired, sinking. She would wake up from these dreams drenched in sweat, too afraid to go back to sleep.

On one particularly exhausting day, the day before the breach was set to be closed, the Iron Bull, a giant Qunari, and his chargers, a group of misfit mercenaries, decided to get some extra practice in with the men. Somehow Maya ended up paired with the massive Qunari warrior. She didn't know how it happened and immediately regretted showing up for practice when she realized the situation she had managed to get herself into.

He had bellowed triumphantly after defeating his last opponent and Maya had been shoved out into the ring in front of him before she could protest.

“Are you ready to face The Iron Bull!!” He shouted as his men cheered loudly behind him.

Maya didn't respond, she was too busy trying to keep her knees from knocking together in fright. He was massive, at least twice her size. He looked like he could eat her for breakfast. He wore little armor and branded a huge double-handed axe, which he now held in front of himself, twisting it in his hands.

“Is this one even legal boys, she looks like a child.” The men behind him laughed as he began to circle the ring.

Maya brought her shield and sword up, _alright it's just like the Commander, just keep moving and maybe you won't die_ she thought as she faced off with the huge Qunari. He made the first move, charging toward her like an angry bull. _True to his name_ , Maya thought as she dodged out of the way, just in time. He wasn't going to let her get away that easily though. Maya had seen how he fought earlier and it was dirty.

He turned around quickly and snagged her foot with his axe as she tried to scramble away, dragging her down to the ground. She rolled out of the way as he brought his axe down almost on top of her. She managed to hit him in the ankle, which threw him off balance and allowed her to get away, if only for the moment. She stood up and turned around to find his axe swinging toward her, she bent backward and felt the breeze it created as it flew past her face, just inches from her nose.

“She's flexible, I like that.” The Iron Bull said, in a low appreciative voice.

They sparred for what felt like hours to Maya but in reality was probably only a couple of minutes. She was surprised she had lasted this long but she knew she couldn't keep it up forever, she was moving a lot and it was getting tiring. When the Iron Bull swung his axe directly at her chest and she saw it too late she knew she was done for. _Too slow_ , she thought as she tried to move out of the way but knew she wouldn't make it in time. The huge axe hit her square in the chest and sent her flying backward through the air before she hit the ground with a loud thump. The impact knocked all of the air from her lungs and left her gasping for breath.

“Maker’s breath!!” She heard the Commander come running up to the scene. “What are you doing! She’s a new recruit, you could have killed her!” Maya saw him crouch next to her through her helmet.

“Wait, is that-”

“Yes,” the Commander answered him as he leaned over Maya and gently pulled her helmet off, her blonde hair spilling out messily and falling into the dirt around her.

She blinked her eyes open to look at him, the sunlight directly behind his head making it hard to see.

“Maya, are you alright? How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Um,” She squinted against the bright sunlight, “Two?”

“Good,” he looked relieved as he helped her sit up.

“Too bad she's not a redhead.” The Iron Bull said as he looked over her appreciatively, warranting a disapproving look from the Commander, “She didn't do too badly Commander, I think you might be underestimating her.”

All Maya could do was shrug as the Commander shot her a surprised look.

“Good job today, go rest.” He said as he helped her off the field, patting her on the shoulder as he walked away.


	6. Chapter 6

Maya ran out of her tent and fell to her knees in the snow. She picked some up and shoved her face into the handful. The cold snow helped calm her down and cool her sweating body. Her breathing slowed and she pulled the snow away from her face. That's when she realized she wasn't alone. The Commander was standing a couple of feet away watching her.

“Bad dream?” He asked once he knew she saw him.

“Yeah, you?” She asked as she stood up.

“Likewise,” he turned back to look out over the frozen lake as Maya came to stand next to him.

“It's the same dream every night, it just keeps getting more vivid each time.” She glanced over at him, “I think it's flashes of my past but with no memory, I can't be sure.”

“That must be difficult, not being able to remember and being taunted about it by dreams.”

“I just wish I could dream of a happy memory instead of such a dark and scary one.”

“I know how you feel.” He turned to her, “You should try to get more sleep, we are closing the breach tomorrow.”

“Yes, of course, sir.” Maya went back to her tent, taking his advice and hoped he would do the same.

When it came time to close the breach the next day the Commander marched the soldiers up behind the Herald but they didn't go down with her to the breach. Instead, they stayed back, only to be used if she needed them. It turned out she didn't and she and the mages closed the breach with no problem.

Maya had watched as the massive hole in the sky had pulsed, and changed sizes above them. After a few moments and the mages pouring more power into it, the breach had exploded with a blinding green light. When they all looked back to where it had been the breach was gone leaving only a scar in its place.

There was a huge celebration that night when they returned triumphant. A feast was served and everyone danced and talked around a large fire in the middle of the village. Maya hung out with the rest of the soldiers in an attempt to not stand out. While most of them were nice and accepting of her she hadn't really made too many friends.

The night was cold but the large fire was radiating enough heat to keep the freezing air at bay. Maya was enjoying herself listening to the music and watching the other townspeople dance happily around the fire. She watched curiously as the Herald and Seeker talked above them, looking out over the celebration.

“Forces approaching, to arms!!!”

Maya whipped around as the Commander yelled from somewhere behind her. The alarm bells began ringing and everyone was sent into a panic. The townspeople scrambled to shelter and all of the soldiers headed toward the gates. Maya was dragged along with the crowd, and before she knew it she was being handed armor and weapons.

She was then promptly shoved from the armory and back out into the cold dark night. She stood in the snow, not moving, she knew what she was supposed to do but she was almost in shock. So there she stood amidst the chaos, armor in one hand, weapons in the other, frozen in place.

“Maya!” The Commander strode up to her, “Come on,” he took the weapons from her hands and placed them in the snow before shoving her armor towards her chest, “Let's go.”

She brought confused, panicked eyes up to his and he seemed to read her mind.

“I know,” his eyes softened and he placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder before walking away to gather the rest of the troops.

The Commander went to brief the Herald and the rest of the advisors while Captain Rylen gave out orders. Most of the soldiers were assigned to one of the three trebuchets, while Maya and a few others were set as backup helping wherever they were needed. The Commander came and gave a rousing speech on the steps in front of Haven and then all hell broke loose.

They were tasked with keeping the trebuchets firing but that was easier said than done. They were constantly being overrun. The red Templars were relentless, sending wave after wave of soldiers toward them. They weren't normal Templars either, some looked like corrupted men, but others were mutant creatures made of red lyrium.

Maya was terrified, she stayed toward the back of the fighting sending arrow after arrow into the mass of bodies in front of her. Her aim was good and she was hitting her targets but she kept getting distracted. The men manning the trebuchet weren't hitting where they wanted to hit. She noticed that they were aiming it incorrectly. They seemed to know what they were doing but they didn't understand the physics behind firing something at moving targets. They were supposed to be hitting one area of the enemies troops while the other trebuchets hit other areas, but all of the trajectories were overlapping.

She pushed her way through the fighting people in front of her, dodging shields and swords alike. When she made it to the trebuchet one soldier was manning the wheel that pulled the arm back, so Maya took the liberty of grabbing the wheel that rotated the base and adjusting it. She stepped back as it fired and watched the projectile hit its target dead on.

The other trebuchet had stopped firing so she followed the Herald as they ran to help. It took a while to finally retake it and even then the red Templars just kept coming. They were slowly getting the trebuchet aimed with the Herald's help.

“Wait!!” Maya had an idea and ran up to stop the Herald from firing the trebuchet, the Herald gave her a confused look. “I have an idea just give me a second.” She grabbed the wheel and turned the trebuchet so the projectile would hit one of the mountains next to the attacking army. “Ok now fire it.”

“It's not even aimed at the army!” The Seeker yelled to the Herald.

The Herald turned to look at Maya, “Just trust me, please.”

“I hope you're right about this Salty.” The dwarf came to stand next to her as they watched the trebuchet fire.

“Me too.” Maya held her breath as she watched the projectile hit the mountain. For a moment nothing happened and then a huge avalanche swallowed half of the attacking army.

The Herald turned and gave Maya a wide smile as cheers went up around them. The excitement of the blow quickly died away however when they saw a massive dragon flying towards them. Maya leaped out of the way as it shot a fireball at them, blowing the trebuchet up in their faces. She scrambled back to the gates with the remaining troops.

She helped gather as many people as she could and led them to the Chantry where they were taking shelter. Everyone was cowering inside scared and unsure of what was to come. The ones in charge were discussing what they could do and as far as Maya could tell they didn't have very many options. It was looking hopeless until the Herald showed up, unscathed and confident. Within minutes of her arrival, they had formed a plan for everyone to escape. The Commander assigned men to arm the trebuchet for the Herald and while Maya wasn't one of them she decided to follow them out anyway.

“Where are you going?” The Commander stuck an arm out to stop her.

“I'm going to help.”

“You weren't assigned to help.”

“No offense Commander but your men don't know how to aim those trebuchets.”

“Excuse me?” He turned to face her now. “You expect me to send you out there and risk yet another life because you think, _you_ \- a new recruit who barely knows how to fight- can aim better than the men I have trained to man the trebuchets?!”

He had raised his voice at her and Maya fought with herself to stand her ground, “Would you rather risk the lives of all of these people or risk one more and your pride.”

That appeared to get to him as he seemed to fight with himself for a moment before slowly stepping out of her way. He watched her walk past him and through the Chantry doors never taking his eyes off of her. Maya followed in the footsteps of the Herald as she had cleared a path to the trebuchet. By the time she arrived they had retaken the trebuchet and were now just defending against attacks as they aimed it. She took over for the Herald and manned the trebuchet while the others fought off the red Templars’ attacks.

Once the trebuchet was properly aimed Maya stepped back, she was about to call out to the Herald but some movement in the sky caught her eye. She glanced up right when a loud, piercing, screech rang out and saw the dragon from before diving towards them.

“Run!!” The Herald screamed.

Maya wasn't going to argue with that and began running back toward Haven. She realized too late that she wasn't going to make it as she felt the heat of the dragon's flames on her back. She quickly jumped to the side and rolled out of the way as the red glow of flames consumed the spot where she had just been.

The impact of the dragon landing sent Maya airborne and threw her against a wall of rocks. Her eyes blinked wearily as she fought to stay conscious. The last thing she saw was a deformed creature picking the Herald up by her arm before her world went black.


	7. Chapter 7

Maya gasped as she opened her eyes. She was freezing cold and everything was pitch black. She tried to move but it felt like she was encased in stone. She began to panic, it was hard to breathe and she couldn't see anything.

She started to wiggle, to try and free herself. It felt like forever but eventually, she made enough room to bring her hands up to her face. The heavy weight on her chest was becoming more cumbersome and she knew if she didn't do something soon she would suffocate.

She began to dig into the walls of her prison, after a few handfuls she discovered she was surrounded by snow. _The avalanche_ , she realized what had happened. Their plan had worked and Haven had been buried by snow, Maya along with it. She frantically began clawing handfuls of snow away from her face, she needed to get a fresh supply of air and soon.

Her hands were numb and bleeding the cold snow cutting into her flesh. She didn't know how long she had been digging and she couldn't tell if she'd made any progress. Her entire body was freezing and she was getting light headed as she ran out of air, quicker now that she was moving.

Finally, her hand broke through the snow on top of her and she gasped in fresh air. She pulled and pushed her way to the surface and out of the couple of feet of snow she had been buried beneath. Once on top she fell to her knees and caught her breath. Her head was bare and she didn't know what had happened to her helmet. She had a headache and the world was spinning, she keeled over and threw up onto the snow in front of her. She reached up and tried to feel for a wound on her head but she fingers were completely numb.

She got to her feet unsteadily and looked around. There was a blizzard so it was hard to see but as far as she could tell she was the only one out there. Everything was buried in snow. The few tips of buildings sticking out from the white drifts being the only evidence that there had been a village there.

Maya turned in a circle, everything looked the same buried in snow and with the blizzard, it was even harder to see. She had no idea which direction everyone else had gone. She knew they were going to follow a path behind the Chantry to safety but she had no idea where that was.

She stumbled through the uneven drifts of snow looking for any sign of the Chantry or where everyone else had gone. She managed to find the very top of the Chantry sticking out from the snow and decided that was the best place to start.

The going was slow, it was hard to see through the wall of white snow falling around her and it didn't help that she was already dizzy. The snow was deep and she sunk in up to her knees with every step. She was shivering, her breath coming out in a cloud of white in front of her before being whisked away by the wind. She was constantly rubbing her hands over her upper arms trying to stay warm as her teeth chattered together while she shivered.

She kept an eye out for any signs of a path or other people. She finally knew she was heading in the right direction when she stumbled upon an old campfire. It was half buried and the embers were as cold as the snow covering most of them so she knew it was old, but it was something.

She wanted to stop and rest, to collapse in the snow and just sleep, but she knew she couldn't, she had to keep going. If she stopped she knew she would never get back up. She would die and be buried in the snow, remember only as the foolish new recruit who got herself killed.

She didn't stop until she came upon the remains of a camp. The snow was either packed down or melted by what must have been a large fire in the middle. She could see the outline of tents and supplies in the snow. She was probably a day behind them and wanted to keep going. However she knew she couldn't, she was too tired and knew she wouldn't make it far if she didn't stop and rest.

Luckily by the next day, the skies were clear. When Maya awoke the sun had already started to melt some of the snow that had fallen on her while she slept. She got up and continued her journey, following the path the others had taken. She spent days trekking through the snow covered mountains following the rest of the Inquisition.

When she crested the top of one particularly high peak she realized where they were headed. In the middle of the valley beneath her stood a huge fortress on top of a plateau. She was close now and with a destination in sight, it made the going that much easier.

By the time she made it to the valley and on the path to the Fortress, it had already been another day. The men were still setting up tents in the valley so no one really noticed her amongst the chaos. She was still in uniform, no matter how tattered it was, so she didn't raise any alarms.

She slowly trudged up the path that led to the giant stone fortress. She knew she had to report to the Commander before she could just make herself at home. Luckily he was pretty easy to find. He had a makeshift desk at the bottom of the stairs and stood out amongst the other troops wandering around the courtyard.

“Reporting for duty sir.” Maya stood saluting behind his back.

He turned around to see who was addressing him and the look of shock that came over his face was nothing like Maya had ever seen. “M-Maya??”

“Yes sir,” she smiled at him.

“Maker’s breath!! Maya, we thought you were dead. How-how did you..” He moved toward her his hands outstretched to touch her like he almost didn't believe she was real.

“Well the avalanche worked pretty well I can tell you that much.”

“You were in Haven when it was buried?”

“Yes, and so was the Herald, there was a dragon and this monstrous creature-” she looked at him, panic-stricken, “The Herald, is she ok??”

“Yes,” he placed a large comforting hand on her shoulder, “She's fine, and she's the Inquisitor now.”

“Oh, that's good.”

“Maya are you alright?” He gently grabbed her jaw and turned it to examine the side of her head.

“Um, I'm still kind of cold, and tired and I could really use something to eat…. oh and I think I have a head wound which I guess you already noticed.”

He examined her head for a moment longer before looking back to her face. “We'll get you cleaned up and give you some food. I'll make sure you have a spot in a tent with the rest of the men.” He turned to make the proper arrangements before adding, “I'm glad you're ok Maya.” She couldn't have agreed more.


	8. Chapter 8

Maya sat at the bar in the tavern playing with what was in her hands, a cup of untouched ale in front of her. 

“How are you settling in?”

She jerked her head to the side surprised by the sudden voice that had interrupted her thoughts. 

“Commander,” he sat on the stool next to her, “Fine sir.”

“Glad to hear it,” he looked at her hands, “What do you have there?” He craned his neck trying to peer at what she held.

“Oh,” she moved her hand so he could see, “It's a ring.”

He looked a little surprised, “That's a very nice ring, it looks expensive. Where did you get it?”

“I was wearing it when I washed up on the beach, it's one of my only possessions that survived Haven.” She looked down at the ring in her hands. “I think it's a wedding ring.”

“You're married?” He raised his eyebrows at her, looking a little shocked.

“I don't know, but it appears that way.”

“Children?”

“I don't know, I don't remember. This is one of the only things I've been able to think about since I arrived here. Who's looking for me? A husband? Maybe children? I mean what if I left a family behind?” She looked at him, “What if something happens to me and I never go home, I never see them again? If I have kids are they going to grow up without a mother?”

He gave her a somber thoughtful look, “I don't know any more than you do, but I can tell you that I will do everything I can to help make sure you get back to them if you do.”

“Thank you, Commander, that's more comforting than you know.”

Maya never did finish her ale that night. She left shortly after her conversation with the Commander to go back to her tent for a fitful night of sleep.

Over the next week, Maya heard growing rumors that the Inquisitor was going to return to the Storm Coast as she had further business to attend to there. This gave Maya an idea. 

“You want to go to the Storm Coast with the Inquisitor?” The Commander took his eyes away from the training men in front of him to look at her.

“Yes sir, I would like to go and see if I can find any information about where I came from or how I ended up here. I heard you were sending extra men with the Inquisitor and I would like to be one of them.”

“Do you know why I'm sending extra men?” She shook her head no, “Because the scouts have reported darkspawn activity, Red Templars, and a religious militia. It's very dangerous on the Storm Coast right now. Are you sure you want to go?”

“Yes, I need answers Commander, I need something.”

He looked at her thoughtfully for a moment, “Alright, I'll add you to the roster.”

She left later in the week for the Storm Coast along with the other men that had been assigned there. The Inquisitor and her companions were not expected to arrive until later in the week. Maya and the other men were supposed to secure the coast as best they could before she arrived. It wasn't much to look at, as the Storm Coast was true to its name.

When she arrived she managed to get herself assigned to a beach patrol. They roamed the beaches fending off darkspawn and Red Templar attacks alike. The Commander had been right, the coast was very dangerous. Darkspawn walked freely out in the open and red Templars were numerous. However, her patrol had yet to run into the religious militia they had been warned about.

The day before the Inquisitor was set to arrive Maya convinced her patrol to go farther up the beach than they had previously gone. She wanted to make sure she scoured every inch of the beach for clues to her origins. She walked along the shore her eyes glued to the ground, searching.

Something amidst the stones caught her attention. She walked closer to the edge of the water and crouched down to sift through the sand and pebbles there. She thought she had seen something shiny reflecting the dim light from the sun that was just barely coming through the clouds above. Now that she got a closer look however she couldn't see anything. 

Suddenly she heard a sound behind her and turned around quickly only to be met by the tip of a sword aimed at her throat. She froze where she was her eyes taking in the scene before her. A group of men had snuck up on them and now her comrades stood with swords pointed at their throats as well.

The men didn't say much to them but instead ushered the patrol up a rocky path and into a rundown building. They bound their hands behind their backs and had them sit on the floor. There was at least one guard for every man in the patrol, so they were never alone. Maya could see the bodies of the Inquisition soldiers who had previously been sent to negotiate with the religious militia piled in the corner. They had never returned and now she knew why and that she and her fellow soldiers were in trouble.

Maya didn't know how much time passed before a new man entered the room. He appeared to be in charge as everyone gave him their full attention. He spoke briefly with his men about the Inquisition and so-called “Herald of Andraste” who was claiming to have been saved by Andraste herself. Then he interrogated her patrol. He said that killing the first group of Inquisition soldiers had been a message but since it had obviously not been received he would have to send it again. 

Once he was done he went to leave the room, “Kill them all.” He threw over his shoulder in an authoritative voice as he shut the door behind him.

Maya barely had time to panic before she felt the sharp blade of a knife at her throat. It wasn't even a heartbeat before the blade was drawn across her neck and she was shoved face first to the floor.


	9. Chapter 9

It was surreal like everything was happening in slow motion. There was no pain, no screams that followed the orders to kill them. In silence, Maya fell to the floor and watched the men around her meet the same fate. It wasn't an instant death, no it took some time. She could hear the people around her gurgling as their blood pooled in crimson puddles beneath them. 

After a couple of minutes, the room went silent. Their guards had left the second the deed was done, not sticking around to watch the Inquisition soldiers meet their fate. Now her comrades lay motionless on the floor beside her, having bled to death minutes after their throats were slit.

Maya, however, was still alive, she didn't know how. Her blood had not gushed from her neck in a torrent of dark red like the others but instead had trickled slowly out of her wound, pooling in the collar of her uniform. She was clutching at her throat trying to keep the wound closed. She was having trouble breathing as the knife had cut her windpipe. Her neck whistled and gurgled every time she took a breath as air seeped out of the wound and bubbled in the blood that had accumulated there. 

She lay there on the ground motionless. She didn't know what to do, she knew if she didn't get help soon she would die. However, she also knew that she wouldn't make it if she tried to walk to camp as it was too far away. So there she lay, hoping and praying that someone would find her in time.

Maya didn't know how much time had passed before she heard fighting outside of the cabin. She had kept as quiet as possible as she knew the men from the group were still patrolling outside. Now it sounded like they were fighting but she didn't know who. 

When she heard the door to the cabin creak open she dared to crack one eye and peek at who was entering the room. To her relief, it was the Inquisitor and her companions. They observed the dead men that littered the floor with sad eyes and didn't notice Maya until she tried to sit up to get their attention. 

“Salty?!” The dwarf quickly rushed over to her side with the others fast on his heels.

“Maker! She’s still alive,” The Inquisitor knelt beside her as well, “Here Varric, wrap this around her neck.” She pulled off her scarf and handed it to the dwarf. “Cassandra, a healing potion,” She stuck out her hand which the Seeker promptly filled with the requested potion. “Here Maya, drink this.” She held the glass vial up to her lips for her to sip. 

Upon taking the first sip Maya sputtered. The liquid seeped out of her wound and soaked the scarf as she gasped. 

“Hold it tighter Varric.” The Inquisitor instructed.

“I’m trying.” The dwarf cinched the scarf tighter and placed a hand on her throat.

After a couple more tries Maya got as much of the healing potion into herself as she could. She had been light headed from the lack of oxygen and blood loss but soon felt the healing effects of the potion at work. It didn't close her wound but it kept her from dying. 

“I wish I had brought a mage, sorry Blackwall.” The Inquisitor said as the rugged man scooped Maya up in his arms with ease. 

“It's alright Inquisitor, I wish you brought a mage as well.” He looked down at Maya as he cradled her in his arms. “I don't know if she's going to make it all the way back to Skyhold.

“The healers here aren't equipped to handle this kind of injury and there are no mages that I know of so she will have to.” The Inquisitor replied as she led them out the door and towards to camp.

Maya lost consciousness multiple times throughout her trip back to Skyhold. She had been sent back with a convoy of other injured men. The trip was long and she didn't know how she had survived it. By the time she got to the healer’s tent in Skyhold, she was knocking on death’s door and they weren't sure she would survive the night.

“Where is she?” Maya was half conscious and could hear the Commander talking nearby. “Is she alive??”

“She is alive, Commander, and she is healing. I believe she has made it through the worst of it. I think she’s going to be alright.”

“May I see her?”

“I don't know how conscious she is, but of course. She is right through here.”

Maya heard the tent flap open and close and large footsteps come to stand next to her cot. She couldn't open her eyes so she just laid there listening to his breathing. 

A large hand briefly brushed over her head, “I’m sorry.” The Commander whispered before exiting the tent.

She didn't see or hear from anyone else after that while she healed in the healer’s tent. It took about five days for her wound to really improve and after about a week she could talk in a whisper and it hurt less to swallow. One day she was sitting up in her cot reading a book the healer had been kind enough to lend her on battlefield medicine when she got a visitor.

“Ahem,” Someone cleared their throat at the tent entrance.

She peeled her eyes from the book in front of her and looked over to find the Commander patiently standing in the entranceway. “Commander,” She whispered as she brought her hand to her chest in a salute.

“You don't have to salute,” He held up a hand to dismiss the action as he stepped into the tent. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” She managed to squeak out in a whisper. 

She smiled a little awkwardly as he gave her a sympathetic look, “Good, I’m glad to hear that.” He walked closer to the cot, “I wanted to tell you personally that the Inquisitor has just returned and she dealt with the Blades of Hessarian, the group responsible for the deaths of your fellow soldiers and obviously the attempt on your life. The man who gave the order is dead and the Inquisitor is now the new leader of the group.” 

“Oh, that's good. Those men deserved justice. Thank you for telling me, Commander.”

“Of course,” he turned to leave before looking back at her, “I hope to see you back out on the training fields soon.” He gave her a small smile.

“Likewise,” She returned the smile as he left the tent.


	10. Chapter 10

“Aren't you hot?” The Commander panted as he squinted against the bright sunlight.

He stood across from her on the training field in nothing but a light shirt and pair of leather breeches. He was coated with a fine sheen of sweat which was beginning to dampen his hair and trickle down his face. They had been training for over an hour and the hot sun and exertion were getting to them.

The Commander had been kind enough to offer to resume their private lessons. Maya had been out of practice for a couple of weeks due to her injury and he thought it would be good for her. They set aside time each day whether during the day or at night to train together. Maya was thankful for the extra help and practice as she still had a long way to go before she was even up to par with the other soldiers.

The day was warm especially with the bright sunlight and they had both stripped down to their underclothes shortly after starting. The Commander had briefly paused their sparring to get a drink and apparently question her warmth.

“I'm fine,” Maya grabbed the ladle from his hands and scooped some water from the bucket and into her mouth. 

“You're sweating.”

“So are you,” she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.

He smirked and huffed out a laugh, “Fair enough, but what about your scarf?” He motioned to the fabric tied around her neck, “Don't you want to take that off?”

“No,” she brought a hand up to feel the cloth, which was damp from her sweat.

“Why not?” He took another drink.

“My scar is very noticeable,” she rubbed the fabric between her fingers absentmindedly.

“Plenty of people have scars here Maya.” He gave her a friendly smile and motioned to the scar on his upper lip.

“But mines ugly.” She felt her neck self consciously.

“Are you saying mine isn't?” He cocked an eyebrow at her.

She didn't respond to this and instead looked at the ground awkwardly. His scar really wasn't ugly if anything it made him more attractive. How attractive the Commander was had not escaped Maya's notice. However, it was just easier to pretend like it had.

He looked at her waiting for a response, which she never gave. So, he gave her a curious look before continuing. “Maya lots of people have scars and I don't think anyone here is going to judge you, especially me.” 

She watched him walk closer to her as she bit her lip trying to decide what to do. Finally, she decided he was right and slowly brought up a hand to unravel the scarf. Once it was free she slipped it from her neck and looked at the ground. 

The Commander stood in front of her watching her for a moment before speaking, “You know it's really not that noticeable.”

She glanced up at him and he gave her a reassuring smile, she laughed, “You're a terrible liar Commander.”

He smirked as he handed her back her equipment. He then turned to resume his position across from her before adding, “And it's not ugly at all.”

They continued their training under the glaring sun. Since it was about noon the heat from the sun just increased making Maya that much hotter. After another round of sparring, she was glad she had decided to take her scarf off. It also didn't help that the Commander was not going easy on her. He was careful not to hurt her, especially her neck, but besides that the fighting was brutal. Each round ended with her out of breath and on her back in the dirt. 

It was the last round of the day and Maya was tired of getting beat down. She was determined to inflict some sort of damage on the Commander, no matter what. Again he fought hard, he never stuck to a pattern so each round was different and he kept her on her toes. Maya dodged his attacks and tried to get in some of her own. She was getting tired and started to slow down, deflecting his blows now instead of dodging them. He seemed to sense her exhaustion as he moved in for the final blow. 

Maya didn't really know how it happened but when he took her down she managed to take him down with her. She fell backward onto the ground and he fell on top of her. They hit the dirt with a thud, which knocked the air from Maya's lungs. She blinked open her eyes to find the Commander, who was very close to her face, looking down at her in concern.

“Maya, are you alright?” He asked as he peered down at her.

“Mhmm,” was all she could manage.

“Are you sure?” He was still lying on top of her.

“Well, I’m having a little trouble breathing.” She wheezed out.

“You are?” The concern in his eyes intensified, “Does something hurt? Maybe your chest?” He scanned his eyes over her body, looking for any sign of an injury.

“Well, it could be that, or it could be the fact that you're lying on top of me.” 

His eyes shot back to hers, he looked completely mortified as his cheeks reddened. “Right,” he cringed “Sorry.”

Maya had never seen someone move that fast as he scrambled off of her and stood up. He offered her his hand and she gladly accepted his help in standing up as well. 

“Let me buy you a drink, I think you deserve it after that.” He said as he clapped her on the back before trudging off in the direction of the tavern.

Maya followed him, glad to be done with training for the day. They took a seat at the bar and the Commander ordered them two drinks. They had just managed to beat the evening rush and the tavern was quiet for the moment. Maya sat listening to Maryden play a new song as she sipped her ale.

“Does it hurt?” She found the Commander looking at her neck from the stool beside her.

She reached up and touched the scar there, “Not anymore.”

“It's a miracle you survived.”

“The healer said the only reason I didn't die was because I was lucky and the wound missed the major blood vessels and only cut my windpipe.”

“I'm glad the Inquisitor got justice for you and the rest of those men.” They sat quietly for a moment before he continued, “I've been meaning to ask, did you find anything related to your past there?”

“No, it was foolish to think I would. It's been months since I washed up on that beach, I don't know what I thought I was going to find.”

“Answers, clues, something to jog your memory.”

She shook her head, “I should never have gone, you were right, it was dangerous and I was stupid to go.”

He neither agreed or disagreed with her conclusion and instead sat looking at her for a moment. “Have you remembered anything else about your past?”

“No, the only glimpses of it I get are from dreams. Well, it's usually just this one recurring dream.”

“What's it about?”

“It's night time and I'm on a boat. The only light comes from the occasional flash of lightning across the sky. We’re in the midst of a storm and the waves are huge as they break across the bough. I don't know why I'm out on the deck, I should be taking shelter. But as I stand there someone comes up behind me and whips me around. Big hands encircle my neck and whoever it is starts choking me. I can't see their face I can only see their hands. They slam my head against the railing and then push me over it. I fall overboard into the water below. The waves engulf me and toss me around as I struggle to keep my head above the water. It's hopeless though and I begin to sink. I can see lightning flash above just beyond the water's surface as I sink into the ocean’s dark depths. That's usually when I wake up, panting and drenched in sweat.”

“And you don't know who is attacking you?” She shook her head no and the Commander sighed, “I wish I had answers for you.”

“I'll remember eventually,” they shared a worried look, “Hopefully.”


	11. Chapter 11

When word came that the Inquisitor had captured a keep in Crestwood Maya was deployed along with a number of other troops to occupy the keep. She hadn't expected it to be so rainy but it literally never stopped raining. There was a constant breeze and the rain came down diagonally. It was chilly and damp and everything smelled like kelp and fish. The ground was either a puddle or mud that you sunk into. After about a week she couldn't remember the last time she had been dry or had seen the sun. The Inquisitor was working to drain the lake and close the rift in the middle but she had other things to take care of in the region as well.

Corpses and demons roamed the wet hills along with the occasional bandit or Red Templar. It was dangerous to travel and Maya was constantly being sent to help fight off the undead from attacking the village or a traveling townsfolk. The bad weather and nonstop bombardments from undead and other enemies meant everyone was in a bad mood. The only joy some seemed to get was from card games they held in one of the upper rooms of the Keep. Maya wouldn't be caught dead up there with them, however. She knew they locked the door and that eventually someone in charge was going to find out and she didn't want to be around for that. She was already an outsider and didn't need to give anyone another reason to dislike her.

Maya finally had something different to do when she was asked by Charter, one of Sister Leliana’s people to meet up with one of her spy's by the name of Butcher. He was on his way back to the Keep with some important information and sensitive documents and she wanted to send an extra person to escort him because of all of the undead. She gave Maya directions to the place where she was supposed to meet him and sent her on her way. Maya was excited and nervous at the same time. It shouldn't be a hard task but there was important information involved and they were trusting her with it. This was a chance for her to prove herself. 

She made it to the location she was supposed to meet him with few mishaps. Besides the occasional lone corpse on the roa, dit was a safe trip. It was quiet where she was so she waited patiently by the stone where they were supposed to meet. She listened to the rain splatter on the surface of the nearby lake. The sound made her have flashbacks to her near drowning experience which she found chilling. She was so lost in thought she barely noticed the man approaching her.

“Oh,” she startled slightly when she noticed him, “You must be Butcher.”

“Yeah, listen we don't have much time.”

She looked at him a little confused. He didn't look good, he was pale and he kept looking around nervously. 

“What's wrong? What's going on?” She asked.

“Here, take these.” He shoved a couple of blood soaked papers into her hand.

She looked down at the soggy papers and then to where he had pulled them from. He was clutching his side and Maya could see crimson blood dripping onto the ground beneath them and turning the puddle at their feet pink.

“Are you alright?” She moved toward him in concern.

“I'm fine,” he waved her off, “Listen, I've been followed, you need to take those papers back to the Keep. I will distract my pursuers, lead them off.”

“But you're injured, shouldn't I distract them?”

“No, they've already seen me and the faster one of us needs to bring those papers to the Keep as fast as possible. They hold very important, sensitive information. Now go!” He turned her around and shoved her in the direction of the Keep.

As she started the run she threw one last glance over her shoulder to see Butcher heading off in the opposite direction. She made her way as quickly and as carefully as she could back in the direction of the Keep. She did her best to stay off the main road in order to avoid detection. She was coming out of a cave when she ran directly into the Inquisitor and her companions.

“Salty! My favorite Inquisition soldier!” The dwarf greeted her happily throwing his arms in the air.

“I thought Cullen was your favorite?” The Inquisitor questioned.

“Who? Curly? No, he's too serious so I've moved him down to second favorite.”

“I'll remember to not be too serious so I don't get moved down to second favorite Inquisitor.” The Inquisitor replied with a smile. She then looked at Maya, “What brings you out here?” 

“I was sent to escort a spy by the name of Butcher back to the Keep.”

“Really? Where is he?”

“I don't know, he said he had been followed. He gave me the papers he was carrying and told me to bring them back to the Keep while he led the followers away. He was injured though and I haven't seen him since.” She replied with concern.

“Don't worry, we'll look for him. Just get those papers back to Charter.”

“Yes ma'am,” She saluted as the Inquisitor left.

“Bye Salty!” Varric yelled back to her over his shoulder as he followed the Inquisitor.

Maya managed to make it back to the Keep safely and immediately found Charter when she arrived. She delivered the papers to the elf and explained the situation. She felt terrible for leaving Butcher behind especially since he had been injured so she decided to head back out to see if she could find him. She followed the path she had originally taken to their meeting spot and then began to look around.

It didn't take her long to find his body. He laid dead in between two stones. She went over and crouched down beside him to check for a pulse just in case, but he was gone. He had probably died not long after sending her off with the papers evident by the puddle of watery blood that now surrounded him.

She stood up and stepped back as an arrow landed right where she had been crouching. She looked up to find a group of Red Templars stepping out from behind the larger boulder. They advanced toward her menacingly as she drew her sword. There was no way she could fight all of them at once and survive. Right as the first one went to strike a bolt flew past her face and landed in the torso of the Red Templar in front of her. She looked over to find the Inquisitor and her companions charging toward them.

“Don't worry Salty, we've got your back!” Varric yelled as he fired another bolt into the Templar. 

Maya fought with the Inquisitor and her companions and they defeated the Templars in no time. She was very thankful they had come upon her because of they hadn't she would probably be dead.

“Maya what are you doing out here I thought I told you to get those papers to the Keep?” The Inquisitor questioned her as she cleaned her sword.

“I did but then I came back out to look for Butcher.” She motioned to his lifeless body.

“Alone?” She nodded, “Well that was foolish, but I can understand why. Now please head back to the Keep before you wind up hurt or worse.”

“Yes ma'am,” Maya replied as she headed for the Keep.


	12. Chapter 12

“I was told you don't know how to ride a horse.”

Maya looked up as she almost ran into the Commander who had intercepted her as she came out of the tavern.

“No sir,” she said as she looked at the ground a little embarrassed.

“How did you make it to and from Crestwood then?”

“I walked,”

“You walked?” He replied surprised.

“Yes, sir,”

“There and back?” He asked in disbelief.

“Yes,” she was still looking at the ground.

“What did you do with the horse?”

“I walked next to it.”

“Oh Maker,” she glanced up to find him rubbing his forehead, “Maya why didn't you ask for help or to ride on one of the wagons or with someone on their horse?”

She shrugged, “I didn't want to be a burden.”

“Didn't you get tired?”

“Yes, but I walked with the wagons so it was pretty slow, however, I can't wear shoes right now.”

“Why?” He glanced down at her feet which were bare in the soft grass.

“I got really bad blisters, they were bleeding and it hurt so I had to take my shoes off.”

He looked back up in concern, “Did you see the healer?”

“No, they're not that serious.”

“Maya they're on your feet which are now bare. They could easily get dirty and you could get an infection. Come on,” he put his hand on her back to lead her, “We’re going to see the healer and then I'm going to teach you how to ride a horse.”

“You're going to teach me?” She questioned while she glanced over at him.

“Yes, is that a problem? Do you not like how I ride horses?”

“No sir, that's not what I meant.” She replied quickly.

“Maya, I was joking.” He replied with a smirk.

“Oh,” _I didn't even know he could joke_ , she thought.

“I know what you mean.” He continued, “I have a break for lunch at this time and I usually just sit in my office and do paperwork but I could postpone that in order to give you a lesson.”

“Not to question you sir but why don't you just have someone else do it instead of wasting your valuable time?”

“First, it's not a waste and second because then I know it was done right and I don't have to worry about you walking to your next assignment. The last thing I need is for one of my soldiers to show up to their post tired and unprepared. That's an easy way to get yourself killed.”

“Right, of course,” they stopped walking as they arrived at the healer’s tent.

“Now you go in there and get patched up while I go prepare us a place to work.” He said as he gave her a gentle shoved towards the tent flap before walking off in the direction of the stables.

Maya entered the tent and quickly saw the healer. Who put a salve on her feet and wrapped them tightly in gauze. She didn't put her shoes back on however because it still hurt. So with her wrapped feet, she picked her way across Skyhold toward the stables careful to avoid any puddles or snowdrifts. When she arrived at the stables the Commander was standing outside next to a pretty palomino. He was stroking its nose and talking to it in a soft low voice.

“You're a pretty girl,” he was saying as she approached him.

Maya stood and watched for a moment smiling to herself. Before she finally interrupted, “I didn't know you liked animals Commander.”

She must have startled him as he turned around abruptly, he was blushing slightly, “I uh grew up on a farm so I've been around them my whole life.” Maya didn't respond and just smiled knowingly at him, “Let's um, let's begin our lesson.” He said as he motioned toward the horse trying to change the subject.

The horse stood in the middle of the grassy patch next to the stables with its tackle next to it. Maya went and stood at its side and then looked to the Commander for direction.

“Before we begin, I need you to take off your scarf.”

“What? She looked at him, “Why?”

“Because you don't need it.” He gave her a hard look.

“But-”

“Take it off.”

They stared at each other for a moment. He didn't look like he was going to budge so Maya reluctantly pulled the fabric from around her neck.

He smiled, “There, that's better, now,” he picked up a piece of the tackle, “This is the bridle, you put the bit in the horse's mouth and then pull the rest of it over the head, it's ears come through the holes and you want to tighten the straps once it's on.”

She watched as he bridled the horse. Once he was done he took it off and made her do it. She did it with ease, the horse playfully nipping at her fingers when she put the bit in. Then he demonstrated how to put the saddle on.

“You want to tighten it but you don't want it to be too tight. After you put it on you should double check it right before you mount. Some horses are cheeky and take a big breath when you put it on so it's too loose.”

Again he took the saddle off and made her repeat what he had shown her. Once that was done it was time for her to get on.

“You mount from the left and place your left foot in the stirrup, then you just hoist yourself up and swing your other leg over. If you use your right foot you'll end up facing backwards and then I'll have to laugh at you, so don't do that.”

“But what if I want to hear you laugh?” Maya blurted out. The Commander shot her a surprised look, “Sorry,” she cringed and blush a little in embarrassment.

“No, it's fine I-” he stopped and cleared his throat, “Would you like to get on the horse now?”

“Yes,” Maya said thankful to avoid any further awkwardness.

He showed her how to sit and hold the reins. And then encouraged her to get the horse to walk. She clicked her tongue like he showed her and the horse moved forward slowly.

He watched her walk the horse around the open area before chiming in again, “If you click your tongue again you can get her to trot.”

Maya did as instructed and started bouncing around on the horse. She shot him a concerned look as she trotted around in circles.

The Commander chuckled at her, “You'll get used to the motion eventually. Now walking and trotting are good for short distances or very long journeys. But if you are in a rush or need to go a good distance in a short time you need to go faster. This space is too small to try a gallop but you can at least try out a canter.”

“Ok, what do I do?” She asked unevenly as she continued to bump around on top of the horse.

“Just make a kissing sound and squeeze the horse’s sides when you're ready.”

She did another lap before making the sound and gently kicking the horse’s sides. She wasn't prepared for the increase in speed. The horse lunged forward as it picked up speed and Maya lurched with it. She grabbed ahold of the reins and the mane of the horse tighter.

“You need to move with the horse.” The Commander called to her.

“I'm trying!” She yelled back. She was beginning to panic, she felt like she had no control. “I don't like this!” She yelled to him.

“Ok, just pull on the reins and the horse should stop.” He called back.

Maya pulled on the reins but nothing happened. The horse began to run around more sporadically and Maya was losing her grip. She was grabbing for the reins when the Commander yelled something at her. She looked up to find that the horse was headed straight for the large stone wall.

She closed her eyes reflexively as she was thrown from the back of the horse when it came to a sudden halt a few feet from the wall. She braced for the impact against the hard stone, but instead she hit something soft and warm. She opened her eyes as the Commander placed her on her feet in front of him.

“You-you caught me.” She said surprised.

“Yes I noticed,” he smirked down at her, “Good thing I wasn't wearing my armor or I'm afraid your landing wouldn't have been much better than the wall.” He scanned over her quickly, “Are you alright?”

“Yes I’m fine, thanks to you.”

“I think we should call it a day.” He looked over at the horse who was now grazing happily on the long grass.

“I agree, I think it's my turn to buy you a drink Commander.” She smiled up at him.

“I won't turn down that offer.”

He got one of the stable boys to take care of the horse and tackle as they headed toward the tavern. It was the end of lunch so they were coming as everyone else was going.

“Oh, should you get back to work?” She asked.

“I think I can spare a couple more minutes for a drink.” He replied as he took a seat at the bar.

She sat down next to him as he ordered their drinks. While they waited she pulled her scarf back out from her pocket and tied it around.

The Commander glanced over at her, “Really?”

“What? I'm self conscious about it.”

“Well you shouldn't be. You don't see me wearing a scarf over my scar.”

Maya giggled, “That would be interesting.”

He chuckled too, “Yes, I would look quite foolish.”

“How did you get your scar? If you don't mind me asking.”

“I'll tell you, but that means when I ask you to take off your scarf you do it without protest.”

Maya thought for a moment, “Deal,” she was very curious and thought it was a fair trade.

“Alright, I was eighteen-”

“Wow, this must have been a _long_  time ago.” Maya teased.

“I'm not _that_  old.” He responded “As I was saying,” he continued, “I was eighteen and just becoming a full Templar. The other young Templars liked to haze the new ones. This time they decided to send us out at night to catch wild nugs with our bare hands. I was chasing a particularly energetic nug when I tripped over a tree root. I fell face first into the dirt and split my lip open on a rock.”

Maya broke out into uncontrollable laughter, “Our brave and strong Commander got his scar from chasing a nug?” She wiped a tear from her eye, “That's priceless. Who else knows about this?”

“No one else knows, no one ever asks.” He was laughing with her now.

Once she managed to catch her breath she spoke again, “Thank you Commander, that made my day.”

“I'm glad,” he looked at her thoughtfully, “It's nice to see you so happy, you have a contagious laugh.”

Maya smiled at the compliment and tucked her hair behind her ear shyly. She looked back down at her drink but could still feel his eyes on her as she sipped her ale.


	13. Chapter 13

Maya stood with the rest of the training Inquisition soldiers in a circle around the sparring ring. She was enclosed on all sides by bodies and couldn't see anything due to her small stature. She slowly began to push her way toward the front of the mass of bodies. With one final push, she shoved herself out of the crowd and against the ring’s fence so she could finally see what was happening.

In the ring was the Commander and one of the newer recruits. The Commander had seemed off all day and had trained them extremely hard. They were all worn and sore by the time one of the new recruits got the bright idea to open their mouth and question his training. They complained that it was too hard and he was treating them poorly. Any of the older recruits knew not to question the Commander when he was having a bad day but that couldn't be said for the new ones. They had all initially paid for the infraction until the Commander decided to take his bad mood out on them one by one.

He seemed to be taking only the new recruits into the ring apparently trying to teach them all a lesson. However, any of the soldiers could see how tough he was being on them. Usually, he wasn't like this but something must have happened to put him in a bad mood and now they all had to suffer because of it.

Maya watched as he easily beat down the recruit that had just stepped into the ring. It was the fourth one in the last hour that he had beaten in a matter of minutes. They were no match for him and his years of training and experience. He wasn't going easy on them either. The last one had to be helped off the field by another soldier because he was limping. Maya didn't think it was right that the Commander was putting his own men in the healer's tent but there was nothing she could do about it.

“Who’s next?” He said as he scanned the crowd with his eyes. Maya swallowed nervously when his eyes met hers. “Maya, come on, your turn.”

“Me?” She asked in disbelief.

“I'm sorry, is there another Maya I don't know about?” He answered in an annoyed tone.

Maya kept her mouth shut and ducked under the fence and into the ring. She had thought he was only sparring with the new recruits but she had apparently been mistaken. She was handed a sword and was fixing her shield onto her arm as he spoke.

“No more going easy on you Maya, it's time you learned how to fight.”

Maya didn't like the sound of that and became even more nervous. She had sparred with the Commander countless times before so she felt like she had a slight upper hand on the other recruits who hadn't. She knew his fighting style and some of his weaknesses. The look in his eyes still scared her, however.

She took up her position across from him and they began circling each other in the ring. Maya kept trying to tell herself it was just another lesson but he never looked this serious when he was teaching her. He made the first move which Maya easily countered but she could tell he was testing her. He lunged at her again and she deflected the blow with her shield. After he did this for the fifth time she could tell he was toying with her, taunting her. He was trying to tire her out before they had even gotten started. She wasn't going to let that happen, so she decided to change her tactic. She now went on the offensive, attacking him instead of waiting to be attacked. He seemed to have predicted that however as he smirked when she first struck him. He had wanted her to attack him all along.

Now the real fight was on. They began sparring like they did in their lessons but Maya could tell he was no longer being kind to her. He was rough, a lot rougher than when he taught her. His blows hurt and sent her jerking backward and he no longer aimed for safe zones. Instead, he freely swung his sword and shield at her. The speed at which he moved picked up too. Maya began to realize that as time went on she got worse and he got better. She had never realized how gentle he truly was with her in their lessons until now.

As she dodged one of his attacks she went to quickly step away from him. That's when he used his sword to hook her feet and sweep them out from beneath her. She fell face first into the dirt. Usually, he would stop attacking and wait for her to get back up but this time he didn't. The blows kept coming as Maya quickly rolled out of the way of each of them. Eventually, she managed to get it her feet and began fighting with more vigor but he just knocked her to the ground again.

She felt like she was trying to find her place in the Inquisition all over again, and she hated it. She stood back up quickly and charged toward him. Their weapons and shields clashed together as they fought. It didn't take long for him to get the upper hand again and this time he didn't hold back. First, he jabbed her in the ribs with the side of his shield before quickly pulling it up into her face as she keeled over. He hit her with so much force that her head snapped back before she collapsed to her knees.

Maya’s world was spinning as she blinked open her eyes which were blurred by tears. She sucked in a painful breath, her ribs aching with the motion. She coughed blood onto the ground before cupping her hand over her mouth and nose.

“Maker…. what have I done?” The Commander fell to his knees in front of her. “Maya? Look up at me.”

A large gloved hand grasped her jaw and tilted her face upward. She blinked the tears from her eyes as she looked at him.

“Here, move your hand, let me see.” He gently pulled her hand away from her face.

She winced as he swiped a thumb over her split lip. She had been pinching her nose to keep it from bleeding everywhere but now blood dripped onto the ground in front of her. He turned her head as he examined her nose and mouth.

“Your nose looks broken.” He said as he released her. “It needs to be set and the sooner the better. Grab my arms.”

“Why?” She asked as he placed his hands on either side of her nose.

“Because this is going to hurt and it will help if you have something to squeeze.”

So she placed her hands on either of his forearms between his armor so she was actually holding onto him and not metal. Once she was set he spoke again.

“Alright, I’m going to do this on the count of three. One… two… three.”

There was a cracking sound as he quickly and forcefully snapped her nose back into place. Maya cried out in pain and clamped her hands down onto his arms, hard. She whimpered as he gently released her. He brushed his fingers along her cheek and tucked some stray hair behind her ear as he looked at her.

“I'm so sorry.” He said before standing up and dismissing the men still standing around the ring.

Maya slowly got to her feet, still clutching at her bruised ribs, and made her way to the edge of the ring. She was placing her sword and shield back on the rack when the Commander grabbed them from her.

“Here, let me.” He arranged them on the rack for her.

“Thank you, Commander,” Maya said before turning to walk away.

“Maya,” He gently grabbed her shoulder to keep her from leaving. She turned to face him, “I'm so sorry, I-I shouldn't have…” He took a deep breath, “What I did was- Maker, I hope you can forgive me.”

“Of course sir,” Maya answered.

“You must know that I didn't mean to hurt you. I would never hurt you, Maya.” He trailed off as he looked at her already bruised face. Maya flinched away in pain as he brushed his fingers along the bruises forming beneath her eyes. He dropped his hand and look down at the ground.

“Sir is something wrong?” In the ring, Maya could tell that he had just needed to hit something, which was unlike him.

“It's- I can't… it's nothing.” He finally said before looking back up at her, “You should go see the healer.” She nodded as she watched him walk away.

Maya didn't sleep well that night and after a bad dream, she decided to take a walk. She strolled through the garden and then up onto the battlements. She liked Skyhold more at night. It was empty and peaceful, and walking through its deserted grounds calmed her down. As she came to her favorite place to stand and think she noticed a figure was already there. Just from the silhouette, she could tell it was the Commander. She tried to turn and leave before he saw her but he must have heard her walk up on him because he turned and looked at her.

“Sorry, I didn't realize this spot was already taken.” She said as she backed away.

“Join me?” He offered motioning to the place next to him. He glanced over at her as she came to stand beside him. “How's your-” he motioned to his face.

“It's fine, the healer said I have a few bruised ribs, a split lip and obviously a broken nose.” She reached up and felt her face gingerly. He watched her with concern. “Sorry if I'm hard to understand,” She continued in her nasally voice, “The healer stuffed some gauze up my nose and said I could take it out later but I don't know how long I'm supposed to wait.”

“Well your nose is set and it's been a few hours so it shouldn't be bleeding anymore. I'm sure you could take it out now.”

Maya tried to pull some of the gauze out of her nose but she gave up as she groaned in pain.

She looked up to find the Commander looking down at her, “Would you like me to do it?”

“If you wouldn't mind.”

“Maya, I gave you the broken nose, it's the least I can do.”

He bent his head as he tried to peer at her nose. After a few moments, he scowled and stood back up. Before Maya could react he had grabbed her around the waist and hoisted her up to sit on the edge of the battlement. She gasped as she grabbed onto the stone beneath her and looked at him nervously.

He grinned at her teasingly, “Don't fall.”

Her eyes widened as she teetered on the edge and she leaned forward and grabbed onto him. It was only after her fingers were entangled in his shirt that she realized what she was doing. She slowly released him and looked up with flushed cheeks.

He smirked down at her, “Maya, I’m not going to let you fall, relax.” He stepped closer, “Tilt your head back.”

Maya did as instructed and looked up at the stars as he examined her nose. She felt him gently hold her face in place as he slowly pulled the blood-soaked gauze from her nostrils. When he finished she put her head back down and watched him throw the gauze off the battlement.

“There,” He put his hands around her waist again and pulled her off the wall before putting her down in front of him. “Is that better?”

Maya tried to take a deep breath through her nose but she couldn't. “Yes, but I still can't breathe.”

“That's normal, your nose is swollen so it will take a while before you'll be able to breathe through it normally again.”

“Oh, have you ever had a broken nose?”

“Yes, only once though which is surprising.”

“Really?” Maya found that hard to believe, _He has such a perfect nose_.

“Well, thank you.”

Maya froze and swallowed nervously. “Did I say that out loud?”

He didn't answer but the cheeky smile he gave her was all she needed to know. Her face flushed red with embarrassment as she groaned.

“I'm sorry sir,” She shook her head as she looked at the ground. “I should really go to bed.”

He waved his hand at her, dismissing her apology. “It's fine, it's probably all of the healing potions you've had today. If you have enough of them they can make you-” He paused, “Well, let's just say not yourself. A good nights sleep would help.”

She nodded her head in agreement before turning to leave. “Thank you, Commander.”

“Of course, it's the least I can do after everything.” He smiled as he watched her walk away.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure about this chapter but I decided to write and post it anyway. I tried to make it as accurate as possible even if half of the lore is based off of fan theories. It accomplishes what I want it to so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯. I hope you like it regardless.

Maya spent the next few weeks traveling with the other soldiers who were being shipped out to the Western Approach. The Inquisitor had captured yet another Keep there and they needed more men to help fend from darkspawn and Red Templar attacks. When she arrived she met with Captain Rylen who was in charge of the Keep. She liked Captain Rylen he was friendly and funny and a perfect compliment to the Commander’s more serious nature.

She was assigned to a group of soldiers who patrolled the large expanse of desert in front of the Keep fighting darkspawn. No one knew where the darkspawn were coming from but there was an endless supply of them which meant her patrol’s work was never done. They took shifts but Maya still felt like she did nothing but fight darkspawn. Any downtime she had was spent either eating or sleeping.

The heat in the Western Approach was unbearable. The sun was constantly shining, even in the early morning and evening, you could feel it's rays beaming down. There was the occasional cloud in the sky but they were always too small and wispy to provide any relief. Because they were in the middle of the desert there were no trees to provide shade so they patrolled in the glaring sun.

The sun-baked sand beneath them radiated heat as well. The sand was almost worse than the sun, at least the sun went away at night whereas the sand never did. It was coarse and rough and it got everywhere. Maya couldn't change her clothes without leaving a pile of sand on the floor. She was constantly soaked in sweat and the sand liked to stick anywhere it could. She couldn't decide which she hated more, being constantly wet in Crestwood or being soaked in sweat on the Western Approach.

The darkspawn around the Keep were numerous. Maya had fought darkspawn on the Storm Coast but that was in small numbers and not very frequently. Here they were everywhere and when you cleared an area they would be back the next day. She hated fighting darkspawn, they were grotesque and rancid. They smelled of old dirt and rotting flesh. Not to mention they were hard to kill. They seemed to be able to heal themselves so you couldn't just mortally wound them and leave them to die. Instead, you had to keep up the attack until they were dead and you were pulling your sword from their corpse.

After about a week Maya was feeling the full effects of living in the desert. Her skin was pink from the sun and she had a constant headache due to the heat. Fighting the darkspawn was getting exhausting as well. She was tired and therefore sluggish in her movements, the same could be said for her colleagues as well. The fighting was growing more dangerous because everyone was less alert so injuries were more common.

After a long day of patrolling, her squad was headed back to the Keep when they ran into a large group of darkspawn. It was late and all of them were exhausted but they engaged them anyway. It was a long fight and it was mostly every man for himself. They were supposed to be working together and helping each other but they were so greatly outnumbered that it was hard to do.

They had just defeated a Hurlock alpha and now Maya was quarreling with a normal Hurlock. It was getting the upper hand and she was getting nervous so she tried to distance herself from it. As she backed up she tripped over a rock and fell backward. The Hurlock loomed over her and she brought her sword up to try an deflect the blow she knew was coming. Before it could swing however a sword burst through the middle of its chest. It gave an ear-piercing shriek before collapsing on top of her. Maya scrunched her face in disgust as she shoved the corpse off of herself. She was now covered in blood and smelled like one of them.

“When did you get that cut?” One of the soldiers pointed to a cut on her arm.

She examined it curiously, “I think when we were fighting the alpha.”

“Did you get darkspawn blood in it?”

“Probably,” She was after all covered in the foul smelling stuff.

“Shit,” He mumbled as he took her by the arm. “Come on you have to see the healer, now.”

He helped her back to the Keep quickly and then left her in the healer's tent to be seen. Maya didn't know what was going on. She sat on one of the cots swinging her legs absentmindedly as she waited for the healer. When the healer finally arrived she wasn't alone.

“We heard you had a cut, lass.” Captain Rylen addressed her as he entered the tent.

“Yes, sir.”

“Did you get darkspawn blood in it?”

“I think so, I mean I'm covered in it.”

He sighed and looked away from her, “The Commander’s not gonna like this.” He mumbled more to himself than anyone else. “Let me know what you find.” He said to the healer on his way out.

The healer examined her and cleaned her wound before leaving her to rest. Maya was confused, no one had told her what was going on. What was the big deal about getting darkspawn blood on her? Everyone else she fought with was covered in the stuff as well. Why was she the only one being seen by the healer because of it?

The next day she was packed up with some other wounded and shipped back to Skyhold. The healer that was sent with them watched her very closely. She seemed surprised when Maya didn't develop any symptoms and maintained that she felt fine. The healer didn't let Maya out of her sight until they were back at Skyhold and she was placed in the healer's tent.

Maya was sitting on her cot as the healer examined her again. She didn't know how many times she was going to have to tell her that she felt fine. She looked up as she heard someone entering the tent.

“Commander,” She brought her free arm to her chest in a salute.

“In the healer's tent again I see.” He made the comment lightly but Maya could tell something was wrong. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” She looked up at him, “Sir, would you tell me what's going on. No one will tell me what's happening and-” her voice dropped to a whisper, “I'm scared.”

His face softened, “Of course,” He dismissed the healer as he took a seat next to her on the cot.

“You know about the darkspawn right?” Maya nodded, “Well in their blood they carry something called the taint. We don't exactly understand it or how it spreads but we do know that if someone gets a deep cut and darkspawn blood gets into it they can become infected. Usually, this results in a quick painful death but sometimes a person can become a ghoul. The infection doesn't kill them right away but instead turns them into a creature similar to a darkspawn. They eventually die but it's a horrible way to go.”

“So what you're saying is that I'm going to die?” He didn't answer but instead gave her a somber look. Maya let out a shaky breath, “But I haven't developed any symptoms, I feel fine.”

“That's what's so curious about your case.”

“Well, maybe I'm immune.” She offered.

He knit his eyebrows together and looked away from her in thought.

“Commander,” this drew his eyes back to her, “Would you promise me something?”

“Of course,”

“I don't want to die a slow death and I certainly don't want to become a ghoul. If I get sick would you promise me that you would…” She trailed off.

The Commander’s eyes widened, “You're asking me to promise I'll kill you?”

“Please, I don't want to suffer.”

He looked away as he pinched the bridge of his nose, “Maker’s breath Maya I-I don't think I could-”

“Please” she pleaded.

After a moment he looked back at her, “I promise.”

“Thank you,”

“But it's not going to come to that, what you said before, it gave me an idea. Ever since you washed up on that beach I've thought that maybe…”

“What?”

“Do you dream? Besides just flashes of your past?”

“Um…” she thought for a moment, “No, I don't think so.”

“That's what I thought, come on.” He grabbed her arm and led her out of the tent.

The healer tried to stop them but the Commander assured her that it was fine. They made their way into the main hall and then to Solas’ rotunda.

“Solas,”

The elf looked up from the book he was reading at his desk, “How can I help you, Commander?”

“Is there any way you can tell if someone is connected to the fade or not?”

Solas put his book down and looked at them curiously, “Through dreams, yes.”

“Well, what if a human who isn't a tranquil doesn't dream? At least not in the fade.”

“That's unheard of.”

“But what would it mean?”

The elf stroked his chin in thought, “I don't know, in Thedas-”

“Exactly,” The Commander interrupted him, “In Thedas, but what if that human wasn't from Thedas?”

“Where would they be from then?”

“I don't know, but if they aren't from Thedas and have no connection to the fade it's possible that they wouldn't be governed by the same laws of nature, right?”

“It's possible.”

“Wait,” Maya was catching on, “Are you saying I'm not from Thedas? And that's why I don't dream and didn't catch the taint?”

“That's the only explanation I can come up with.”

“That makes sense, I've felt out of place ever since I got here, and the flashes of memory I do have don't match this world.”

“Is that all Commander?”

“Yes, thank you Solas.”

The Commander led Maya back out to the courtyard. He explained the situation to the healer and then took her to the tavern for a much-needed drink. They sat quietly while she tried to wrap her head around everything that had happened.

“Are you alright?” He finally asked.

“Yes… no… I don't know.” She rested her cheek on her hand.

“Your face is pink.”

Maya slowly turned and shot the Commander a confused look.

“It looks like you got a sunburn.”

She reached up and tenderly touched her burnt skin, wincing at the pain it caused

He smiled at her, “And I never realized you had freckles.”

She stared at him a little shocked before turning away shyly.

“Your hair is lighter too, it must be from the sun.”

Maya ran her fingers through a lock of her hair, “You noticed my hair?”

He didn't say anything but gave her his usual half smile that somehow always managed to make butterflies flutter in her stomach.

She laughed a little uncomfortably, “What are you doing Commander?”

“Trying to make you feel better.” She looked over at him, “Is it working?”

Maya couldn't help but smirk and shake her head at how genuine he was, “Yes, thank you.”

“No problem.” He replied as he gently bumped her shoulder with his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't help myself from referencing that Star Wars quote :)


	15. Chapter 15

Maya didn't stay in Skyhold for long before she was sent back to the Western Approach for the attack on Adamant Fortress. The Herald had tracked the Grey Wardens to the Fortress and they were preparing for a full-scale assault. 

When they first arrived outside the Fortress’ walls she helped set up all of the tents and unloaded supplies. The next day she went to work assembling the trebuchets before they pushed them into position. They set them up on a hill a good distance from the Fortress. Up on the hill, they had a better angle and view for the assault. The Commander had originally planned on putting them in a different place but Maya had convinced him to move them. She knew their current position was better than where they would have been.

The night before the battle Maya barely slept. The siege on Haven had been traumatic enough and now she had to willingly rush into another battle. A battle where men and women she knew were going to die and her life was going to be on the line. No amount of mental preparation could prepare her for what she was going to face the next day. She knew that what she was going to see tomorrow she would never be able to erase from her mind.

The fateful day arrived and Maya got ready with the rest of the troops. She was so nervous that she couldn't stop shaking. Her hands were trembling so much that she was having trouble putting her gear on. They were called out of their tents before she had a chance to secure her equipment so she stood with the rest of the men still trying to strap on her sword belt. 

“Need some help?”

She glanced up at the sudden voice to find the Commander watching her. She nodded and he stepped closer to take her belt in his hands. She watched his face as with steady hands he expertly secured it around her waist.

“Thank you, sir.” She said a little embarrassed by the fact she needed his help.

He grabbed her shoulders and made her look him in the eyes. “Relax Maya, you can't fight with a clouded mind.” She nodded quickly and he patted her shoulder before walking away.

She listened to the Inquisitor and Commander both make speeches before taking up her position next to the trebuchets. She and the other soldiers manning them were the first line of attack. They waited for the signal and then began the siege. Rock after rock was loaded onto the trebuchets and sent hurtling toward the Fortress. Even from such a great distance, they could hear the boulders crashing into the stone walls and towers.

Once their men were up on the walls Maya and the others collected their things and abandoned the trebuchets. They could no longer fire at the Fortress now that their own men were inside. So they rushed down to the battlefield and joined in the fighting. By the time they made it into Adamant they had already begun to push back the enemy.

Since the fighting was in such close quarters Maya was better off using her sword than her bow. She took up a position along the front lines with the other men and began to fight. She struggled to keep her footing as they advanced. Everywhere she went she was stepping over the bodies of enemies and friends alike. She had only joined the battle for a couple of minutes before she heard a familiar sound. She looked up at the sky with the rest of the men as they were overshadowed by the Archdemon from Haven. It circled overhead menacingly like a vulture. 

At the sight of it, Maya got an idea. She shoved through the troops around her looking for the familiar red mane of the Commander. When she found him he was fighting off some shades with a number of other men. She came up to the side of him and held her shield up in line with his to deflect the demons blows. He threw a sideways glance her way to see who the newcomer was.

“Commander, requesting permission to leave with a small contingent of men!” She shouted over the noise of battle.

They both rocked backward as one of the demons slashed at them, its claws racking against their shields. “You're asking me if you can leave?! Maya, we need all of the men we have here to hold the demons back!”

“I know sir, but that Archdemon poses a huge threat and I can at the very least distract it!”

“How?!”

“With the trebuchet!”

“You can hit it?!” He questioned.

“Yes, sir!” She replied confidently.

He contemplated her offer for only a moment before answering. “Alright, take only the men you need!”

Maya broke away from the shield wall as another man fell in to take her place. She scanned over the mass of bodies around her looking for the men who had manned the trebuchet with her before. She found one lying at her feet, dead. But the others she managed to collect in a matter of minutes and they left the battlefield to sprint for the trebuchets.

By the time they reached the hill, the Archdemon was circling over the Fortress following someone, and Maya knew who. She knew the Inquisitor was their only hope and she had to at the very least buy her time. The men with her loaded the trebuchet quickly and Maya aimed it. When the Archdemon landed on the side of the Fortress she knew she had her shot. 

She released the arm and it launched the rock. It struck the dragon in the side and Maya watched as it crumpled under the blow. It swayed on the wall as it tried to regain its grip. The men were already reloading the trebuchet and once the boulder was in place she fired again. This time the projectile hit the dragon on the side of the head and it fell off the Fortress’ wall. The men around her cheered and she knew that they had bought the Inquisitor just a little more time.With the dragon out of sight for the moment, there was nothing more she could do. So she and her group of men rushed back down to the battle.

When she arrived the fighting was contained in the center courtyard of the Fortress. Demons were pouring out of the rift in the center of the opening and the men were almost overwhelmed. Maya immediately joined in the fighting.

She soon found out that the heat of the desert was even worse when you were fighting for your life. Sweat mixed with blood dripped down her face and stung her eyes. All around her was nothing but a vicious torrent of bodies and color. Her mouth was dry and she was panting with effort. The air around her was a whirlwind of dust and grit from the ground, that collected on your tongue when you opened your mouth. The deafening sound of blood pounding in her ears was almost enough to drown out the screams of the men and demons around her. Above the smell of sweat was the acidic smell of fear that hung heavily in the air. When the breeze blew across your skin it tingled with electricity and magic.

Suddenly the rift materialized a new enemy. A gigantic pride demon’s demonic laugh rung out and echoed off the walls of the courtyard. The air sparked with electricity as it flexed its powers. Maya slashed through the shade in front of her and then turned to her new opponent. She had never fought a pride demon before and the size of it stunned her. She felt her heart quicken in her chest as she stared at it. 

She felt someone clap her on the back and a surge of courage rushed through her when the Commander put his shield up next to hers. They shared a quick glance and then faced the demon together. He went to the left and Maya went to the right as the demon shot a bolt of electricity between them. They flanked the demon together and attacked it from both sides splitting its attention. Because they had trained together so much they knew each other's strengths and weaknesses and could compensate for one another.

The demon was strong and powerful. Maya was exhausted and she could tell the Commander was feeling the same. Being close enough to the demon to fight made Maya’s hair stand up and her stomach churn. They were weakening it slowly but she was afraid they would be too weak to fight before it was. 

She jumped back as it swung an electric whip at her before quickly lunging back in to stab at its legs. The demon was becoming desperate and it began to swing at them with its arms. Maya dodged the first two swings without any problems, quickly ducking out of the way of its massive fists. However, on the third swing, she realized that the Commander was distracted. He wasn't going to move in time and the demon's arm would hit him directly on the side. Maya quickly reacted, she stepped forward into the path of the demon’s fist instead of away from it. She put her shield up to block the blow and braced herself. 

She was no match for the power of the demon’s strike. It hit the shield so forcefully that it bent inward and sent Maya flying backward through the air. She hit the stone wall behind her and fell to the ground, her world going black.


	16. Chapter 16

When Maya awoke she was lying on her side, with a heavy weight over her body, and something tickling her face. Her head was propped up on something warm and firm that smelled of leather, sweat, and blood. She winced as she shifted and opened her eyes. She was lying on blood-soaked dirt and the men on the ground in front of her were not as alive as she was. She groaned as she pushed herself up into a sitting position.

“Take it easy.” Large hands found her shoulders and helped her sit up. 

She glanced over to her side where the Commander was looking at her in concern. Her head had been resting on his thigh and his cloak was around her shoulders. She blinked her eyes wearily and brought a hand to her head.

“What happened?”

“You decided to be brave and take my place on the wrong end of a pride demon’s fist.”

She felt her naked head, “Where's my helmet?”

“I took it off to look for a head wound,” he produced it from somewhere at his side, “You have nothing more than a bump, thank the Maker. You got lucky, it's a good thing you used your shield and were wearing your helmet or I'm afraid we may not be talking right now.”

He sounded a little upset, “Are you angry with me sir?”

“No, just remember for next time that I can probably take a pride demon’s fist with less injury than you.”

Maya looked around, “I guess we won. Why didn't you take me to the healer's tent?”

“The healer's tent is overflowing with the injured and dying. Once I realized the nature of your wound I figured I should just let you sleep it off. You looked pretty comfortable anyway.” He smirked at her.

“Oh,” She pulled his cloak from her shoulders and offered it to him, “Thank you.”

He took it from her hands but instead of putting it on, he draped it back over her shoulders, “The desert is cold at night.” He said as he stood and helped her to her feet. “I'll walk you to your tent, you should rest some more.”

Maya didn't protest and they walked in silence out of the Fortress and toward the camp. She carefully stepped over the dead men that littered the ground as they made their way out of the fort. They hadn't even begun to number and collect the dead. She knew that waited for her in the morning but right now all she wanted to do was sleep.

“Thank you again, Commander.” She offered quietly, careful not to disturb any of the already sleeping men. “I hope helping me didn't take up too much of your time.” She handed him back his cloak.

“Not at all, you don't want to know how long you actually laid there. I was afraid you were…. the healers were going to look at you but I wanted to see for myself. I'm glad you're alright.” He finished giving her a small smile. “Good night Maya.”

“Goodnight Commander.” She replied before entering her tent.

She slept heavily that night due to her exhaustion. When she awoke the next day the sun was barely over the horizon. She knew it was early and since no one else was awake she decided to go for a walk while it was still cool outside. She stuck to the safety of the camp and wandered aimlessly between the tents. 

As she passed by one of the tents she heard a noise inside. She stopped walking and backed up a couple of steps until she was in front of the door. She paused and listened again, she could hear someone groaning inside. She quietly pushed aside the flap and stuck her head into the tent. The person in the cot shot upright gasping. 

“Commander? Are you alright?” She asked in concern.

“Maker’s breath!” He glanced up at her, “Maya, um yes… I'm fine.” He managed.

“Are you sure?” He didn't sound very convincing.

He pinched the bridge of his nose as he sighed, “Yes, I’m alright now, thank you.”

“Ok, good morning sir.” She said as she left the tent.

“Good morning.” She heard him respond as she walked away.

The trip back to Skyhold was long and tiresome. Everyone was fed up with travel and just wanted to get back home but they could only move as fast as the carts. When they finally got back to Skyhold the work wasn't done. They had to unload supplies and the injured and then take inventory of everything they had left so they could put in the correct requisitions. Maya spent days writing, organizing and delivering requisitions to the Commander to be signed before taking them to the requisition office. By the end of the week, the office was overflowing with requisitions that needed to be filled.

Maya was on her way to the armory to verify some paperwork. She needed to recount the supplies they had. She was focused on the paper in her hand and didn't notice that the door was closed and loud voices could be heard behind it. She pushed open the door completely oblivious to the conversation she was interrupting. When the room went silent she glanced up from the paper to find the Commander and Seeker looking at her.

“Oh,” she stopped dead in her tracks as she met their gaze. “Sorry” she cringed before turning to rush out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

She wasn't surprised when not long after a message came from the Commander that he needed to see her in his office. She trudged up the many flights of stairs to his door, dreading the lecture she was anticipating. She knocked softly and waited for his response before entering the office. 

“Maya, thank you for coming.” He motioned to the place in front of his desk.

Maya sidestepped around pieces of wood that littered the floor as she made her way into the room. She eyed the Commander curiously while coming to stand in front of his desk. He hadn't stood when she came into the room which was odd since he always stood when any woman entered a room. He looked pale and was sheened with sweat, overall he just seemed sickly.

“Sir, I’m sorry for interrupting earlier. I wasn't paying attention and I shouldn't have-” she explained quickly but stopped when he held up his hand.

“It was an honest mistake. I just need you to promise me that what you heard will not leave that room. I don't need my personal matters being circled through the barracks.”

To be honest, Maya hadn't been listening to the conversation that she had interrupted and hadn't heard much, but she promised anyway. “Of course sir. I won't say a word, you don't have to worry.”

He regarded her thoughtfully, “Thank you, you're dismissed.”

Maya turned to leave but stopped right in front of the door, “Sir?”

He looked up from the paperwork he had returned to.

“I'm sorry if I'm crossing a line here but are you alright? You look sick.”

“I'm fine, thank you for your concern.” He replied politely, but Maya could tell he was lying through his teeth. She left his office more confused than when she had arrived.


	17. Chapter 17

They only stayed in Skyhold for a few weeks before the Inquisitor gained enough influence to get them invited to the Winter Palace. The Inquisitor, her companions, the advisors and a small contingent of men which included Maya journeyed to the Palace to attend the ball. Somehow they had to find a way to save the Empress and keep Orlais from falling even further into disarray. Luckily that task was given more to the Inquisitor than to her men which Maya was thankful for. She didn't know how the Inquisitor did it. She never wanted to feel the weight of the world on her shoulders and couldn't imagine the pressure on their leader.

When they arrived the Commander placed each of them in strategic positions around the Palace. Maya was placed in the main ballroom on the opposite side of the room from the Commander. She could just make out his golden hair over the nobles and servants that surrounded him. He and the other important people from the Inquisition wore bright red formal uniforms. Maya and the rest of the soldiers were dressed in formal uniforms as well but they were not as extravagant or flashy as their leaders. Theirs were more practical and just formal enough not to draw too much attention. They didn't want to scare any of the nobles in attendance, and wanted to draw as little attention to their presence as possible.

Maya stood quietly and observed the sea of color in front of her. All of the Orlesians wore masks and grand outfits. The women sauntered around in large ball gowns, with plunging necklines and were adorned in jewels and crystals. While the men strode through the crowds in flashy shirts and breeches, most of which were too tight in Maya’s opinion. She got a better idea of what the men looked like with their clothes off than she wanted to. Everyone spoke loudly to each other in flowing accents which was all a facade to cover the secrets they whispered amongst themselves when they thought no one was listening. Nothing was as it seemed and everyone played the game to their own advantage. By the end of the night, Maya had so much blackmail she was sure she could overthrow the entire Orlesians empire with a single word to the right person. 

She seemed to be invisible. The Orlesians paid her no attention and went about their business like she didn't even exist. The servants noticed her however and she them. They offered her food and drinks throughout the evening but she just turned them away. She was more interested in what they were saying amongst themselves. Even though they were just as invisible to the Orlesians as she was they still whispered to each other in hushed voices when around them. Apparently, they didn't trust the nobles with servants’ secrets, and Maya couldn't say she blamed them.

After standing for countless hours Maya's feet were beginning to ache. She looked around for a place to sit and found a bench against the wall not too far from where she was stationed. She began to walk toward the bench but someone ran into her before she was even halfway there.

“Oh, excuse me.” She said apologetically.

“Yes, excuse you. You should watch where you're going.” The Orlesians man looked at her angrily.

“I'm sorry, sir.” Actually, she wasn't sorry because he had run into her but she thought it was best to not cause a scene. 

“As you should be. It is a good thing you are pretty or I would have to report you to whoever you are here with.” He eyed her hungrily.

“I beg your pardon?”

“What I'm saying is that maybe there is something you can do for me to keep this between us.” He scanned her body before reaching toward her.

She pulled back quickly, “I don't think so.”

“Don't make me report you.” He growled.

“You can report me all you want, I'm sure my Commander will take my side.”

She didn't hear his insulting response after that as some movement in the crowd caught her eye. She watched as a nobleman dragged a woman behind himself by the arm. They were being discreet but Maya could tell that he was gripping her painfully tight by the look on the woman's face. Her stomach knotted at the sight and she shoved past the angry man in front of her to follow them. She ignored the furious yelling of the man behind her as she quickly pushed her way through the crowd.

She followed them from a distance as they left the ballroom and headed toward a side room. She lost sight of them for a second but she heard shouting shortly thereafter and followed it to the source. She peeked her head around the corner to see what they were doing. She was just in time to catch the man slapping the woman across the face. Maya could feel the anger boiling up inside of her as she watched him grab her by the shoulders and begin to shake her violently. She could watch no more. She rounded the corner of the room and confronted the man.

“Hey! Get your hands off of her!” She yelled.

The man whipped around at the sudden voice behind him and released the woman, who cradled her red cheek.

“Who are you?! What are you doing here?!”

“None of that matters. All that matters is that I saw you hit her!”

“That is none of your business peasant!”

“That's where you're wrong! It is my business and I will not sit by and let you abuse this woman!”

“What are you going to do about it?!” He stepped threateningly closer to her.

“Stop you!” She snarled.

Suddenly his hand shot out and he grabbed her by the arm. He tried to drag her toward him but someone stepped between them and wrenched her arm out of his grasp.

“You will not touch her! And if you ever lay another finger on her again I will cut. It. Off.” The Commander shoved his finger in the man's face. “You are lucky we are in your country and not mine.”

The man had coward back initially as the Commander was much larger than him but now he leaned forward. “How dare you threaten me you Ferelden mutt!” He spat.

The Commander eyed him as he took her by the arm. “Come on Maya, we’re leaving.”

But Maya pulled away from him and took a step toward the frightened woman. “You can come with us. You don't have to put up with this. You don't deserve to be abused. You can do so much better than him.”

“Shut your whore up!” The nobleman lunged toward her but the Commander was quicker.

“Don't you dare talk about her that way!” He pulled on her arm again, “Come on, Maya”

Maya let herself be pulled from the room as she threw one last concerned look back at the terrified woman. The Commander gently dragged her behind him and into an empty room before he shut the door.

“What the hell was that?!” He walked closer to her.

“What do you mean? You saw how he was.” 

“That doesn't mean you can go and pick a fight with him!”

“I saw him hit that woman. I couldn't just stand there and do nothing.”

“I understand that, but Maya we are in another country and guests at the Empress’ ball.”

“I can't believe this!” She threw her hands up and turned away from him shaking her head. “So you think I should have just done nothing?!”

“No! I would have done the same thing. All I'm saying is that you need to be careful. And Maya, you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.”

“I know! But I had to try. I know how she feels and she needed to know that someone cared and that what he was doing to her was wrong.”

He knit his eyebrows together in confusion and concern. “You know how she feels?”

She dropped her eyes to the floor and refused to look at him. 

“Maya is someone hurting you?” He took a step closer with his head bent low to catch her eye. “One of my men? A noble? Maybe, someone, you're involved with?” She wouldn't answer him. “Maya, if someone is abusing you and you tell me I promise you it will stop.” 

“There is nothing you can do.”

“Not if you don't tell me there isn't. Maya look at me.” He grabbed her jaw and made her look him in the eye. “Is someone hurting you?”

“No… yes… I-I don't know.”

“You don't know?”

“I don't remember.” She pulled away from him and clutched at her head.

“Maya,” He said gently.

“Stop! Please, I-I can't.” She was panting heavily as images flashed through her mind. She couldn't think straight. She had to get out of there. She needed fresh air. “I'm sorry I-” She shook her head and rushed out of the room. She could hear the Commander calling after her but she just kept going.

She ran into the ballroom but immediately felt suffocated by all of the bodies and fabric. So she pushed through the throngs of people to the balcony closest to her. She immediately went to the railing and leaned over the side of it. She was hot and breathing heavily and she couldn't stop shaking. The tears were welling up in her eyes and her head wouldn't stop hurting. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply as she tried to slow her racing heart.

Behind her, she heard the music stop and the Empress begin to speak. She half-heartedly listened to her speech as she continued to try and relax. The Empress introduced the next speaker but the woman was interrupted suddenly. She recognized the Inquisitor’s voice as she accused the Dutchess. Maya was on alert now, she quickly stood and unsheathed her sword. When she heard fighting break out behind her she wasn't surprised.

She turned around to find a masked assassin had already found her. Maya really wasn't in the mood to play games and lunged toward the attacker. She had only been fighting the first one for a moment when a second one appeared out of thin air. Now she was really fed up with the whole situation. She pressed one back toward the railing before quickly turning to face the other one. As she continued to back up she turned suddenly and kicked the first assailant over the side of the balcony. Before driving her sword forward into the second one in front of her. By the time they were both dead Maya was out of breath again but suddenly feeling much better.

She made her way back into the ballroom to find that the fighting was over and the Inquisitor had won. The blood covered woman was now standing at the Empress’ side making a speech. Maya knew the situation was under control now so she took her leave. She needed more air and now that the balcony had a dead body on it she didn't really feel like staying there. So, she went out toward the gardens.

The night was warm and music was floating down from the ballroom behind her as she wandered amongst the green grass and flowers. It wasn't as calming as walking the battlements of Skyhold at night but it was good enough. She stopped in an open area and stood quietly to listen to the music which was now mixed with the sound of singing insects.

“There you are.” She recognized the voice behind her.

“Sir, were you looking for me? Did you need something?” She asked as she turned to face him.

“No… well yes, I was looking for you but I don't need anything. I just wanted to see if you were alright.” He came to stand at her side. “You left pretty quickly last time.”

“I'm sorry sir, none of that will happen again.”

“Maya, I couldn't care less about what happened with that nobleman or the other one that approached me-”

“There was another one?”

“Yes, he said you ran into him.”

Maya snorted, “More like the other way around.”

“That's exactly what I thought. Don't worry I paid him no attention, but that's not the point.” He stood in front of her so he could look her in the eye. “I only care about you, are you alright?”

“I'm fine, you don't need to worry.”

“That's not very convincing.” He knit his eyebrows together in concern. 

“Neither are you.” She retorted quickly before realizing what she had said. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I'm sorry sir I-”

“No, you're right. Why should I expect you to talk to me when I wouldn't talk to you.” He sighed, “If you say you're alright I'll leave it alone, for now. But Maya,” he took her by the shoulder, “I want you to know that I care and I'm here for you. You can trust me.”

She nodded as he drew his hand down her arm before releasing her. He stood back at her side in silence for a moment.

“You didn't want to stay and enjoy the party?” He finally asked.

“I've had enough of nobles for one night.”

“I couldn't agree more.”

“Really? You, Commander? Not fond of nobles? I would never have guessed.” She teased.

He laughed, “I know it's surprising. They are insufferable.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “If they weren't too busy trying to touch me they were asking me to dance.”

“You didn't take any of them up on their offer?”

“Absolutely not,” he scoffed, “I don't dance to begin with and certainly not with one of them. Did you dance?” He asked.

“Sir, I was on duty.”

“Right,” he paused, “We should probably go pack up. The Inquisitor wants to leave tonight.”

“Tonight?” She yawned.

“Yes, she wants to get back to Skyhold as soon as possible.”

Maya groaned, “That's easy for her, she gets a carriage. I guess I'll have to sleep on the horse then.”

The Commander glanced at her, “You know, I get a carriage as well. If you would like you could ride in it with me.”

“Really?”

His answer was his usual half smile that only pulled at one corner of his mouth.

“But that's not fair to the other men.”

“You don't have to if you don't want to, but the offer is there.”

She yawned again, “Ok, I may have to take you up on that.”

He chuckled, “Alright, come on.”

They went back inside and gathered the other troops before packing up. The journey back to Skyhold was a long one and Maya couldn't say she wasn't thankful for the Commander’s offer.

As he helped her into his carriage she stopped and looked at him, “What about my horse?”

“I asked Captain Rylen to take care of him.”

“He's riding with the men?”

“Yes, he says since I'm too good to do it someone has to.”

Maya couldn't help but laugh, “I like him.” She said as she climbed into the carriage. 

“Me too.” He smirked as he entered behind her.

They sat in silence as the carriage bumped along the path back to Skyhold. Maya’s eyelids were getting heavy and her eyes slowly blinked closed. She shifted in her seat and started to slump to her right. Her head brushed against a soft coat and she had half the mind to realize that the Commander was sitting next to her. She groggily tried to sit herself up away from him but a hand on her shoulder pulled her closer. 

“It's alright.” He whispered quietly to her as he gently pulled her against his side.

She tried to resist but eventually gave in and nestled against his warmth as she rested her head on his shoulder. She sank blissfully into sleep comforted by his presence.


	18. Chapter 18

After the Winter Palace things around Skyhold calmed down for a while. The Inquisitor was working with the new mage to find out where Corypheus would strike next. So the army was currently stationed at Skyhold with nothing to do. The Commander had been distant for the past couple of days which meant the men were more free than normal. Maya spent most of her time practicing or just enjoying being home for once.

The Commander and Inquisitor seemed to be busier than normal. Maya didn't know what was going on but she figured it must be very important. When she did see the Commander he paid her no attention and she hadn't spoken to him since they had returned to Skyhold. She had once even gotten entirely in his way on accident. When she had apologized he hadn't even looked at her and had simply waved her away with his hand. She had been a little confused but hadn't taken the encounter personally. He was a very busy man and she had probably delayed him from something important.

She spent a lot of time practicing aside from the time she practiced with the rest of the army. It was usually alone but she would take anyone up on an offer to join her. So when Bull asked if he could join her one day she gladly welcomed the company. She hadn't sparred with the massive Qunari since Haven and she was anxious to see how much she had improved. Just because she was more experienced however didn't mean it was any less terrifying to be standing across from him. He wore his usual nonexistent armor and brandished his large ax in front of himself. He smirked at her which didn't match the intensity in his eyes. She knew he enjoyed a good fight and hoped she could at least give him that before he knocked her out.

They started out slow as they circled each other in the ring. Maya certainly wasn't going to attack him first. She had a better chance if she tired him out dodging attacks than she did attacking him head-on. She also knew she wouldn't have to because it didn't take long for him to become impatient and charge her. She didn't think it was possible but it seemed like he had gotten larger and stronger. Fighting him was a lot harder than she remembered. She worked hard for every blow she got in as she was spending most of her time dodging him.

When he finally did get the better of her they were both drenched in sweat and out of breath. He knocked her to the ground forcefully by shoving the butt end of his ax into the middle of her chest. It knocked the wind out of her as she fell back onto the dirt. She laid there motionless with her eyes closed as she tried to catch her breath. When she didn't move after a while Bull got concerned. She heard him come to stand at her side and she cracked an eye open to find him looking down at her with worry etched all over his face.

He apparently hadn't noticed that she was awake so she decided to use that to her advantage. As he bent down to inspect her, she swiftly rammed him in the nose with her fist while simultaneously kicking the side of his knee. This caused his legs to buckle beneath him and he toppled to his side. She was on top of him in a second and pressed her blunt practice sword to his neck. His eyes widened and blood trickled down his face as he began to laugh.

“That was good! You really got me with that one!” He bellowed as he picked her up off his chest and tossed her to the side.

Maya brushed the dirt from herself and gladly took the hand he offered to help her to her feet. Once she was standing he slapped her on the back which got him a good-hearted punch to the shoulder in return.

“Boys did you see that!” He called behind himself to his men who had witnessed the whole ordeal. “With how she fights we ought to make her a charger!”

“Maybe she can replace you!” Krem called out in his usual sarcastic tone.

Maya laughed which quickly turned to a gasp as Bull picked her up and tossed her over his shoulder. She started laughing again as he paraded her around the ring threatening to do her in if she tried to take his men from him. They were all laughing now as Maya playfully struggled to get out of his grasp. This carried on until they heard someone clear their throat loudly behind them. She was whipped around away from the noise as Bull turned to face whoever had made it.

“Oh, hey Commander.”

 _Of all the times to show up he chooses now._ Maya's cheeks reddened in embarrassment at the position she was now put in. Her perch on Bull’s shoulder had her butt on full display in front of the Commander.

“Can I ask why you have my soldier thrown over your shoulder like that?”

“Who, this one?” Maya was jostled as Bull gestured to her rear. “She was trying to take over the Chargers.”

“Is it too much to ask for you to put her down?” He sounded irritated.

“Sure thing.” Bull gently placed her back on her feet. She quickly turned around and saluted to the Commander as she desperately willed the color in her cheeks to fade.

“Maya, I need to talk to you.” He began walking away before she could respond.

She waved goodbye over her shoulder to Bull and the Chargers before jogging after him. She quickly fell into step beside him and followed him to his office.

“I'm sorry if I angered you, sir, Bull and I were just sparring and having a little fun.” She offered into the awkward silence that had fallen between them.

“It's not you I'm annoyed with. Bull knows better than to flirt with my men and women.” He glanced at her on the last word.

“He wasn't, we were sparring.” She answered a little taken aback by his response.

“He had you thrown over his shoulder, what else would you call that?”

“We were just having fun.”

He stopped and turned to her, “Flirting is Bull’s definition of fun, and he's had his eyes on you ever since Haven. If you were a redhead I think he already would have had his way.”

“Are you saying that I would- that we…”

“No, I'm not trying to suggest that you-” he sighed, “I just know that Bull can barely restrain himself, to begin with, and he's uncontrollable around redheads.” They entered his office and he took a seat at his desk while he motioned for her to stand in front of him. “I'm sorry, this isn't why I called you here.” He continued, “I am leaving with the Inquisitor for a couple of weeks to track down a lead. I'm assigning trusted men to help Captain Rylen during my absence. You're one of those men, here is a letter detailing your duties.” He handed her the letter and she smirked. “What?”

“Nothing sir.”

“It has to be something, you don't smirk for just anything Maya.”

“I was just thinking that this will get the rumors circulating.”

“What rumors?”

“Most of them are about who you share your bed with, sir.”

He groaned, “I should have known this would happen. Who is the most popular choice?”

“The Inquisitor.”

He sighed, “Of course she is. Our relationship is nothing like that. We are just friends, we can barely agree on anything in the war room but outside of work, we are good friends. I do admire her however, it would be an honor to be admired by someone like I admire her.”

“I admire you.” Maya blurted out before quickly shutting her mouth on the remark.

He looked up at her a little surprised, “You do? Why?”

“You're a wonderful Commander, and your strength, courage, and perseverance are inspiring.” She answered honestly. “I doubt you would have been put in your position if you weren't admirable.”

He smiled at her response, “You know the same could be said for you.”

“Really?”

“Yes, you have many admirable qualities. You were thrown into the fire and instead of breaking you came out the other side stronger than before. I don't think I could have done what you did. You showed up here with no memory or experience and look where you are now. You even survived my previous mistreatment of you.”

“That stopped?” She teased.

His eyes showed that he thought she was serious for only a second before he smiled and shook his head, “Very funny, yes that stopped.” They looked at each other for a moment before he cleared his throat through the silence and picked up his quill. “That was all I needed to discuss with you. You are dismissed unless you want to stay and help me with some paperwork.” The last part was said more jokingly than as a serious request.

Maya saluted and took one step to leave before turning back around. “Would you like me to stay and help?”

This must have caught him off guard as he looked up at her in surprise, “You don't have to.”

“I know, but would you like me to?”

He took a moment to respond, obviously thinking, “Yes… if you wouldn't mind.” He added quickly.

Maya smiled and pulled up a chair next to him from across the room. “Ok, what do you want me to do?”

“If you could just sort that stack to your right that would be a big help. I need to know what I need to sign and what I need to respond to.”

They sat mostly in silence while they worked both concentrating too hard to really hold a conversation. The silence wasn't awkward however, it was the sort of comfortable silence that only comes with friendship. Maya enjoyed just being near him, more than she probably should have. As the hours ticked by and it got later Maya couldn't contain her yawns anymore and the Commander noticed.

“Maybe we should call it a night.” He said as he put his quill down.

“After I finish this pile.”

“Maya-”

“I'm almost done. You can head to bed and I'll just let myself out when I finish.”

He eyed her for a moment but when he realized she wasn't going to leave before she finished he gave up. “Alright, just don't take much longer. You don't need to be tired during practice tomorrow. Goodnight Maya.”

He stood and crossed the room to the ladder on the other side before ascending it slowly. Maya could hear the floor creaking as he moved around above her. After a few minutes, everything went quiet and she figured he must have gone to bed. She kept working on the papers but was getting increasingly tired. She couldn't keep her eyes open anymore so she laid her head down to rest for just a moment.

A noise stirred her from her sleep and she blinked her eyes open to find a gloved hand gently placing a teacup in front of her. She looked around slowly before lifting her head. She wasn't in her bed, or her room for that matter. When she looked in front of her she found a large form and followed it up to the pair of eyes that were looking warmly down at her.

“Sir!” she shot up in her chair as she was startled awake by the realization of where she was. “I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep here I was just trying to finish the paperwork and-”

He held up a hand to stop her explanation. “It's alright Maya. I actually didn't mean to wake you I was going to let you sleep longer. It's still quite early and when I went to get my tea I figured you might like a cup as well.”

“Oh,” she was a little surprised by his answer. “Thank you,”

“I didn't know how you liked it so I just made it like mine, black.”

“That's fine, I actually prefer coffee.” She said as she picked the cup up and took a sip.

“What's coffee?” He cocked his head as he asked the question and watched her drink her tea.

“It's a drink from my world.”

“You remember something from your world?”

“Yes, lately things have been coming back to me. It hasn't been much and it's been mostly unimportant things but at least it's something.”

“That's good to hear. Hopefully, you'll have your memory back soon.” He smiled at her before sipping his tea as well.

“I should probably leave.” She stood to go but he stopped her.

“I don't think that's a good idea.”

“Why?”

“It's early still and if anyone sees you leaving my office at this hour they might think that…” he trailed off and looked away from her.

“Think that what?” She pressed him.

“Think that we… that we slept together.” He finally answered as he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.

Maya's cheeks soon became the same color as his as she realized what he was saying. “Oh, um, well I can see how that would reflect on you.”

“It's not my reputation I'm worried about.” He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. “I think it would be best if you stayed until a decent hour and then you can leave and we can say we had an early meeting. No one will think anything of it.”

“Ok, that works for me.” So she stayed and they sat in his office and talked unlike the night before.

They didn't do any work and instead just enjoyed their time together. When it was finally a decent time Maya said goodbye and left to carry on with the rest of her day.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this was worth the wait ;)

The sweat and blood mingled together as they dripped down her face and ran into her eyes. She blinked through the burning blurry red water now clouding her vision as she blocked another blow. She slid a little on the slippery rocks in the water beneath her feet and fought to keep her balance as she pushed back against the Red Templar in front of her. His hood was up but his beady red eyes could still be seen fiercely glowering at her. She glared back as her eyes traced the red glowing veins pulsing under his pale ashen skin. 

Maya was exhausted, she had been fighting for too many hours to count. The army was fighting Corypheus's forces in the Arbor Wilds. They had cleared a path for the Inquisitor and were now keeping the opposing forces out of the Temple while she found whatever was of importance inside. It was a massive task, Corypheus had a surprisingly large and powerful army that he had thrown at them full force. 

After the Commander and Inquisitor had returned from their mission together they had immediately gathered the army and marched for the Arbor Wilds. It was imperative that they reached the Temple before Corypheus. 

Maya had tried to inquire after the purpose of the mission but the Commander had remained tight-lipped about it saying it was on a more need to know basis and apparently she didn't need to know. He had however assured her that they had gotten what they needed and that it should make the fight against Corypheus a little easier. She wanted to ask him why he had needed to go with the Inquisitor but she didn't want to push the subject. 

If whatever they had gotten was making the fight easier Maya wasn't seeing it. She had done some of her hardest fighting in the Arbor Wilds and feared there was more to come. The men around her seemed just as exhausted and battered as she was. The red lyrium they took gave the Red Templars more power and energy so they could fight for much longer without getting tired and that was becoming much more obvious as the hours passed. 

Maya was jerked from her thoughts as the Red Templar in front of her shoved again at the block she was holding. She feigned an opening and when he broke the hold to swing she promptly ran him through with her sword.

As she pulled the sword from his now limp and lifeless body she surveyed her surroundings. The men were doing a good job of holding their opponents back but their numbers were dwindling. If they didn't receive reinforcements soon she feared they would quickly be overrun. However, they couldn't spare any of their men to run and fetch reinforcements so if help came it would have to be entirely through luck. 

Maya was once again jostled from her thoughts as a new opponent rushed toward her. Luckily the clearing they were in was large and spacious and with the shrinking number of fighters she had even more room. The only problem was the river. It was shallow enough where she was but the rocks were extremely slippery and could be dangerous, especially in the middle of a fight. So, she stayed at the edge of the river and made her enemies come to her. 

She cut down Red Templar after Red Templar, fighting her way through the hoard of them that remained. Things were looking well, it seemed that she and the few men left would be able to hold them off, until a behemoth appeared. She watched the soldiers around her back away from it slowly. The Red Templars noticed their fear and pushed forward with the massive creature. 

Maya steadied herself. The behemoths were harder to take down than the normal Red Templars not to mention they were massive, strong and made out of hard red lyrium. It was going to be a struggle for the few men that remained including Maya to defeat not only the behemoth but also the remaining Red Templars that accompanied it, but they had no other choice than to fight. 

She scooped her helmet off the ground and put it securely back on her head. She had lost it in a fight earlier and hadn't had time to put it back on but now she made time. She figured she would need all the protection she could get to fight the behemoth.

By the time she and the other men had cut through the first wave of attack they were down half their men and everyone else looked worse for wear. Maya was out of breath and blood had soaked most of her uniform. She wiped her blood covered sword clean on her leg and readied herself. The behemoth loomed in front of her and she had to take deep breaths to try and keep herself calm. She wasn't an experienced warrior with nerves of steel like some of the men in the army so it was a mental fight to keep herself from visibly shaking.

She held up her shield and jumped back as the behemoth’s arm swept through where she had been standing. She watched his other massive disfigured arm slam into a group of soldiers next to her. It sent them flying through the air, some landed with a splash in the river and others in the mud and rocks on its bank. Maya ducked under another swing of its arm and closed the distance between herself and the creature. Once she was close enough she began repeatedly striking its midsection with her sword. The behemoth bellowed and stepped back away from her. She rolled out of the way just in time as its first embedded in the ground where she had only been moments before.

The odds were not looking good. More and more of the Inquisition’s men were falling to the Red Templars. They were extremely outnumbered now and the men that remained didn't have much fight left in them. The behemoth was swinging wildly now taking out handfuls of men with each sweep of its arms. 

Maya ducked again as the behemoth’s arm flew past her head. They had to take out the massive beast and soon if they were to stand any chance of surviving this. She got ready to charge in again when she heard a call go up from behind her. 

“Reinforcements! Charge!!”

She turned in time to see the Commander and a new group of men rush onto the battlefield. She felt a smile tug at her lips. The Commander had impeccable timing. She faced the behemoth again, but this time with renewed vigor. She and a new group of men, including the Commander, set to work taking the creature down. At one point she found herself directly across from the Commander, with both of them on either side of the behemoth waiting for an opening. She caught his eye briefly and even through his helmet could see recognition and almost a look of relief flash across his face, he knew it was her. He nodded at her before the fierceness returned to his eyes and he dove in to attack the creature. 

They had almost taken the behemoth down when Maya somehow caught its full attention. It was set on killing her as it swung directly for her head. She repeatedly rolled and dodged out of the way of its attacks. She knew that if she had its attention it was creating an opening for the other men to strike. The Commander had left to help another struggling group of men halfway through the fight or the behemoth would probably have already been dead. 

She ducked under a swing of its arm but as she stood back up she slipped on the wet rocks beneath her feet. The delay in her movement meant that the next swing of its massive red arm hit her square in the chest. The blow sent her flying backward through the air. She landed quite a distance away in another section of the river with a splash. 

She blinked up through the water that washed over her body in cool waves. The sunlight that made it through the thick cover of trees high above the forest shinned in dancing streams through the water. She watched as bubbles escaped her mouth and floated to the surface. The world was blurred by the running water and painted pink from the blood that was mingled in with it. She could hear a distorted voice yelling her name that stood out from the other sounds of battle.

Battle.

She sat up with a start and gasped in the warm air as she remembered where she was. She looked in front of her to find a Red Templar posed to run her through with his sword. She quickly brought her sword up and he fell on it as he leaned forward to strike. His body slid down the length of her sword from the weight of him and she released her grip on the hilt and let it fall to the side.

She caught her breath as she looked around. The behemoth was dead, lying motionless a few feet from her. The remaining Red Templars were either retreating or being killed by an Inquisition soldier. They had won, it seemed. 

She pulled her sword from the Red Templar’s body as it bobbed in the river and swished it through the air a couple of times to dry it before sheathing it at her side. She grabbed her helmet and pried it off her head. Her damp blond hair fell out as she shook it loose around her shoulders. She held her helmet against her hip as she looked around. 

That's when she made eye contact with the Commander. He was staring at her across the field over the heads of the other men in front of him. She watched as he strode toward her through the crowd. He peeled his helmet off of his head and tossed it to the side as he made his way towards her. His blond curls dampened by sweat shinned in the afternoon sunlight. 

Maya stood a little taller and raised her chin. She didn't know what he wanted with her but he refused to take his eyes off of her and the look in them was intense. As he reached her she opened her mouth to speak but was quickly cut off in a gasp as he pulled her to him and covered her mouth with his. Her body was stiff as she was pulled to her tiptoes by his arms around her back. Her eyes were open in shock as his lips caressed hers. He must have felt her unease as his grip on her loosened and he began to pull away. 

But Maya was just beginning to recover from her surprise and didn't want it to end that quickly. She melded her body to his as she dropped her helmet and brought her hands up to his chest before finally kissing him back. She sighed as she felt his grip once again tightened as he held her to him. He began to kiss her with renewed vigor, her obvious acceptance spurring him on. 

Her world seemed to fade until it was nothing but him. She felt nothing but his hands on her back and neck and his firm chest against her. He smelled like battle, blood, and sweat mixed with the smell of leather that had been warmed by the sun. His lips were salty and bitter, but his mouth tasted of sweet ale. 

He finally broke the kiss and they stood with their foreheads touching, just breathing each other's air. Maya slowly blinked her eyes open and looked at him. His eyes were still closed and she could feel his warm breath blowing across her wet lips. His eyes slowly opened and he looked back at her. She watched something flash behind them before he pulled away. 

“I- ah…” his eyes darted around to look at the men who were now staring at them. “I watched the behemoth hit you, I thought…” He looked back at her a little shyly. He cleared his throat and finally released her. “I'm um…” he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “I'm sorry about that. I should-” he motioned behind himself before turning to leave, but not without throwing a glance at her over his shoulder.

Maya didn't know why he was apologizing. She certainly didn't feel like he had anything to be sorry for. She watched his back as he walked away from her to scoop up his helmet and then as he walked off to gather the rest of the men.


	20. Chapter 20

To say things were awkward between them when they got back to Skyhold was an understatement. Maya didn't know why things had become uncomfortable, although the kiss probably had something to do with it. She had only seen him to receive commands as they were packing up to head back to Skyhold from the Arbor Wilds. After that, she had barely laid eyes on him at all, let alone talked to him. 

He never came down to the training fields for their lessons anymore. Instead, she was left to practice by herself. She had waited for him the first few days but when it was obvious he was never coming she had given up. The only times she saw him were when she was training with the other men or when they accidentally ran into each other. Whenever they would see each other outside of practice he refused to make eye contact with her. She could see him tense up anytime he was around her.

Having their relationship so strained made Maya’s heart ache. She had come to realize that she had feelings for him. They had probably been there for a while but under the circumstances, it had seemed right to push them aside for the moment.

But after that kiss, after feeling his obvious affection towards her it was hard to continue to deny that part of her. She just couldn't understand why he had seemed to change his mind about her all of a sudden. She was sure she could get an explanation out of him if he would just stop avoiding her long enough for them to talk.

Maya tilted her face up toward the warm sun as she strolled through Skyhold. She was headed toward the tavern for a quick meal before heading back to work. It was a nice day and she had plans for training that afternoon. The Herald was planning on leaving to face Corypheus for the final time soon and Maya wanted to be ready for the confrontation. She was pretty sure the majority of the army wouldn't be back by then so the small contingent of men that made it back to Skyhold by that time would be needed and that included her.

She went to reach for the handle of the tavern door when it opened and she ran face first into the Commander. She gazed up into his eyes as he stopped in his tracks and looked at her. They stared at each other unmoving for a few seconds before Maya lowered her eyes to the ground, feeling rejected. She saw no warmth in his eyes, only trepidation.

“Sorry ser,” she offered in a low murmur of a voice before stepping out of his way.

He moved past her without a word before stopping a few steps away. “Oh maker’s breath, this is ridiculous.” He muttered, Maya glanced over at him as he turned back around. “Maya,” he addressed her, “can I see you in my office?”

“Of course ser.” She stuttered out a little surprised. 

She followed him in silence back to his office where he locked the door before standing at his desk. They both just looked at each other a moment before trying to speak at the same time. They each only got a few words out before they realized what was happening and stopped talking. The room fell back into an awkward silence. 

Maya shifted her weight on her feet and twisted her hands behind her back as she bit her lip. Neither of them could look at each other so Maya kept her gaze on the floor and the Commander kept his on his desk. 

A few moments passed before Maya couldn't stand it anymore. She took in a deep breath and brought her eyes up to him. “We can't go on like this.” She stated into the silence.

“I know,” the Commander ran a hand through his blonde curls.

“Commander-”

“Please Maya,” he finally looked at her. “I think after everything you can call me Cullen, at least in private.”

“Alright, Cullen-” she started again.

“I'm sorry,” he interrupted her.

“For what?” She knit her eyebrows together at this. 

“Everything,” he said dejectedly as his face fell back down to look at his desk. “For putting you through all of this, for the kiss-”

“The kiss?” Maya swallowed, “That was a mistake?” She asked quietly.

He let out a loud breath, “Part of me says it was and part of me says it wasn't. I mean the kiss was-”

“Nice,” Maya whispered before he could finish his sentence.

He obviously heard her as his head lifted and his eyes met hers. She held her breath and watched as his eyes softened when they found her looking back at him. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Yes.” They held each other's gaze for a moment before he squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. “But it can't happen again.” He said firmly.

“Why not?” Maya found herself asking before she had even thought about the question.

“Because,” he paused, “you're married,” Maya's heart sunk as she looked down to the ring she now wore on a chain around her neck. “At least as far as we know, and I can't, I won't take another man's wife.” He dropped his head again. “No matter how much I want to.” He whispered almost inaudibly.

It was just then that Maya noticed the tight grip he had on the desk. He was clinging to it like his life depended on it. It appeared as if he was almost trying to hold himself back, but Maya couldn't tell from what.

“I understand,” she said softly to try and ease his pain. He slowly opened his eyes and glanced up at her. “I'm sorry for putting you through this, that didn't even cross my mind. I can't remember my husband or-” she looked down at the ring now being turned over and over in between her fingers, “whoever.”

“It's not your fault, I should have known better.” He seemed to relax a little. “Besides, if you ever do remember or we realize you can never get back I’m sure you could do better than a broken, old ex-Templar.” 

“What are you talking about?”

“Maya, there are plenty of kind, decent young men out there. You don't need someone like me.”

“But what if I want someone like you.”

His eyes met hers and he let out a huff of a laugh at the conviction in her voice. “You don't want me. I have too much baggage. Too many problems that I'm sure even that smile of yours couldn't fix.”

Maya's heart ached as she looked at him. He looked so tired and sad. “I can't help you if you won't even tell me what's wrong.”

“You can't fix this Maya, this is something I have to work through on my own.”

“I can't when you won't even let me try. Why must you suffer alone?”

“It's better this way, I'm trying to protect you.”

“From what?”

“Me,” he finally answered forcefully, “from me Maya, from my problems, my past, from the man I used to be. But that doesn't even matter because this-” he motioned between them, “whatever this is, it's not even on the table. You're married and until I learn otherwise this can't happen.”

“Cullen-”

“No, I'm sorry, you're dismissed.”

Maya stood looking at him with her mouth still open on words that would now be left unsaid. She turned slowly and headed toward the nearest door. She was almost to the door when she stopped abruptly. She bit her lip before making up her mind and approaching his desk again.

He didn't look at her until her feet were close enough for him to see with his head still lowered. His pained eyes met hers as she stopped in front of him. 

“Maya,” his voice was pleading with her but his eyes told her that whatever she did, he wasn't going to stop her.

She gazed back at him before leaning in slowly. Their faces were just inches apart now as they looked at each other. Maya brought her hand up to his far cheek and pressed her lips to the other side of his face as she gave him a gentle kiss. Her lips brushed across his stubble as she pulled back to look into his amber eyes again before finally turning and leaving his office.

Once the door was firmly closed behind her she leaned back against it and closed her eyes as she let out a shaky breath. It took a moment and a couple of deep breaths for her to get her feelings under control. She understood where Cullen was coming from and respected how much of a gentleman he was. She didn't know for sure if she was married or not but she guessed it was better to be safe than sorry. However, she couldn't understand why he wouldn't open up to her. He knew she cared for him, so why wouldn't he let her help him? 

Maya sighed, she had a feeling that their relationship would never be what it was. She didn't even know if they could handle just being friends, but she had to try, for Cullen. Whatever he needed her to be, she would be.


	21. Chapter 21

Maya ran her finger along the dusty bindings of the books lining the shelf in front of her. She traced some of the titles with the tip of her finger as she quickly read over them. When none of the titles sparked her interest she moved down along the shelf to glimpse over some more. She didn't know exactly what she was looking for she just knew she needed something, anything to help her in her current situation. Maybe a book on amnesia, traumas or other worlds, but she wasn't having any luck.

Not finding any books of use on the current shelf she was looking at she rounded the corner to look at the next one. She stopped misstep however when she saw who was already perusing the titles on the shelf. Cullen did a double take when he caught sight of her standing there.

“Sorry,” she said out of reflex. “I just need to look for a book and then I'll be out of your way.”

“You're fine,” he said softly as she moved past him to the shelf behind him.

She tried to read the titles in front of her but she couldn't concentrate with him so close. Even though she couldn't see him anymore she could still feel his presence behind her, and it was extremely distracting. The library suddenly became very warm and Maya tugged at the collar of her shirt. She could feel butterflies fluttering around in her stomach and that was just from being close to him. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath to calm herself.

She opened her eyes again when she heard the floor creak only to find Cullen now looking at the books next to her. _So much for calming down_ , she thought as she felt the butterflies surge in her stomach again. She wasn't even looking at the books anymore, instead, she was just trying to look anywhere but him.

“Excuse me,” Cullen suddenly stepped closer and reached for a book above her head.

“I-I can move,” she said quickly as she went to scramble out of his way.

“No, you're fine.” He assured her as he went to grab the book.

Maya couldn't have moved even if she wanted to because he had her effectively pinned against the bookshelf in front of her. She clung closer to the shelf as he reached over her. She could feel his chest brush against her back and it sent a shiver through her. The heat was radiating between them. Maya bit her lip and closed her eyes, she was breathing much faster than she needed to be. He had such a comforting smell to him that she just wanted to bury her face in his chest and let his arms encompass her completely.

He finally backed away from her and Maya let out a relieved breath as she stepped back from the bookshelf. She turned around to find him standing there with the book in hand staring at her. They looked at each other for a moment before Cullen turned abruptly and left without another word. Maya sighed and ran a hand down her face, this was going to be a lot harder than either of them had thought.

The rest of her morning went by in a blur. After she didn't find anything in the library she went down to the training fields where she would soon have practice. The Commander had canceled training in the morning but had kept the afternoon session. The training was after lunch but Maya only ate a small meal. She had learned the hard way not to eat too much before practice.

Soon the rest of the men had gathered there with her. They were lined up retrieving their practice swords and shields from the racks near the field when the Commander showed up, followed by Captain Rylen. Maya stood with the rest of the men as she listened to the Commander explain their situation. Like she had expected, the Inquisitor would be facing Corypheus soon and whatever men were available at Skyhold would be going with her. Maya looked around, there weren't very many men on the field. Hopefully, the Inquisitor wasn't in need of an army when she faced Corypheus.

The Commander instructed all of them to pair up for sparring sessions. They would all be practicing together but in pairs of two. Maya looked around as everyone else paired up, it looked like there weren't enough men as she was left standing alone, without a partner. When the Commander noticed her he left where he was standing to walk over to her.

“Maya, where's your partner?”

“I don't think there are enough of us ser.” She informed him.

He sighed, “Rylen!” He called to the young man who was a few feet away. “Come pair up with Maya, I'll spar with Jim.”

“Sorry ser, I promised Jim I would spar with him today.” The soldier next to Captain Rylen gave him a funny look before opening his mouth but he quickly shut it again as the Captain jabbed him in the ribs with his elbow.

The Commander huffed out a breath before looking back at Maya, “Alright, I'll be your partner.”

Maya couldn't tell if what she was feeling inside was excitement or apprehension as she took up her spot across from him. As they began Maya and the Commander fell into their routine. They were so used to sparring with each other that it was almost second nature. They knew each other's strengths and weaknesses and because of that, they were evenly matched. Despite Maya’s rough start as a soldier, she had come into her own. The Commander was still better than her in many ways but she could at least hold her own against him.

This sparring match was a little different than Maya was used to, however. While he wasn't trying to kill her like the time he broke her nose there was a certain forcefulness behind his movements. His blows were harder but he was less coordinated like he was taking his frustration out on her. Maya stepped it up as well, if he was going to fight hard then so was she. She had some frustrations of her own she wanted to take out.

He bashed his shield against hers and sent her sliding across the dirt. She dug her heels in to hold her ground and glared at him over the top of her shield. She ducked under the swing of his sword and shield bashed him. She swung her sword for his midsection now that there was an opening but he blocked it with his sword.

“I thought shields were for blocking.” She huffed out before rolling out of the way of his shield which he tried to bring down on top of her.

“Don't be a novice.” He sneered.

As he spoke Maya jumped up quickly and jabbed him with her sword in an opening between his shield and sword. “You've got a shield, maybe you should block with it.” She sneered back, mocking his accent.

Their swords clashed together as they both swung for each other. Cullen hooked his sword with hers and yanked her toward him. Their shields slammed into each other and he held her in place by pinning her sword between them.

Cullen glared down at her as they both breathed heavily trying to catch their breath. Maya stared right back with just as much fierceness. As they both scowled at each other she slowly watched the anger drain from his face. Soon she was staring into warm but guarded bright amber eyes. She was captivated by the golden flecks in them that sparkled in the sunlight. She soon felt her own anger melting away. She wasn't angry at him, she was angry at their situation. She wanted him but couldn't have him. Maya’s breath hitched in her throat and her eyes began to flutter shut as she watched him lean in toward her.

“Ser!”

The sound of Captain Rylen’s voice snapped them both out of their trance immediately and Cullen pushed her away. She stumbled back away from him and fixed her eyes on the ground. She barely heard the Commander and Captain talk as she was lost in her own thoughts. After they had dismissed the men Maya was left standing alone in the middle of the field still staring at the ground.

Her eyes were closed when she heard steps walking toward her. She opened her eyes when they stopped in front of her and she followed the boots in front of her up to the eyes that were gazing back at her.

Cullen examined her for a moment before reaching out and gently tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. She shuddered as his fingers grazed her cheek.

He dropped his hand back to his side before muttering, “I’m sorry.” And turning and walking away, leaving her standing in the middle of the field alone.


	22. Chapter 22

Maya had been right about the Inquisitor needing whoever was available to go with her to face Corypheus. The Commander informed the men that everyone who was able was going to be shipping out in a few days along with the Inquisitor to fight Corypheus. 

Maya wasn't too worried, she had faith in the army and Inquisitor. She knew they would succeed no matter the cost, and that included her life and many others. She knew death was a real possibility but that didn't bother her, she had come to terms with that a long time ago. The second she became part of the army she knew that could be a cost she might have to pay.

The Commander worked the men hard during training in the days before they were going to leave. He wanted to make sure they were as prepared as they could be, especially since there were so few of them. However, he gave them the day before they were set to leave off.

Maya spent her day off relaxing and trying not to think about what was to come. She didn't want to psych herself out over the upcoming battle. By the time night fell most of the men were either heading off to bed or drinking themselves into a stupor to relax their nerves. Maya found that the best medicine for a busy mind was a stroll through Skyhold. The sky was clear so all of the stars and both of the bright moons could be seen clearly. 

She wandered through the main part of Skyhold staring up at the stars and listening to the music flowing out of the tavern. She was headed toward the stairs that lead down to the healer's tent and stables when movement in a nearby bush caught her attention. 

Her mouth fell open when she looked over and Cullen’s head appeared from inside the bush. He glanced around the yard and started to stand up before spotting her. At the sight of her, he immediately sunk back into the bush and groaned.

“Maker’s breath, of course, it had to be you.”

“Hello, Commander. What are you doing in that bush?” She asked as she peered at him curiously.

“The Inquisitor wanted to have a fun night of wicked grace to take our minds off of what is to come tomorrow and I foolishly bet against Josephine.” He stood up a little out of the bush and Maya could tell he had no clothes on. She snickered as his cheeks turned red and he sank back down. “If you could do me a favor and grab some clothes from my office I would very much appreciate it.” 

“Of course ser,” Maya smirked to herself as she walked away toward his office.

She let herself in and pulled some matches from her pocket to light a few candles. She glanced around his office briefly before heading toward the ladder and making her way up it. At the top, she was surprised to find it was well lit. The light of the two moons shone in brightly through a hole in the roof and it lit up the room enough for her to see. His room was sparsely furnished which made it easy enough to find him some clothes. She rummaged quickly through the chest he had against the wall until she found everything she needed. As she carried his clothes down the ladder and out of his office all she could smell was him.

She returned to the bush where he was hiding with his clothes in hand. He accepted the clothes with a quick smile and Maya turned around to give him some privacy as he put them on. She couldn't help herself from stealing a few glances behind her as he dressed. He had turned away from her so all she caught a glimpse of in the moonlight was his tanned back but that was enough to speed up her heart.

“Thank you, Maya.” He finally said as he stepped out of the bush fully clothed. 

Maya turned back around, “Of course ser, always happy to help.” He smiled at her one more time before turning to head toward his office. She watched him go with a smirk, her eyes wandering down to his now leather-clad backside. She quickly caught herself staring and immediately turned with red cheeks and rushed off to continue her walk elsewhere.

The fateful day arrived when they would be heading out to fight Corypheus for hopefully the last time. Skyhold was hectic as everyone scrambled around making the final preparations. It was a couple days trek to the Valley of a Sacred Ashes so Maya was busy packing up her horse with everything she would need as well as helping with the other preparations.

She was in the stables gathering some tackle for the horses when a hand grabbed her wrist and yanked her into the small area between the stables and Skyhold’s wall where they stored the firewood. She dropped the tackle she was carrying and let out a yelp in surprise. She relaxed when she saw who it was that had grabbed her, but only for a moment.

Cullen was standing in front of her and he looked terrible. Something was definitely wrong. His eyes were red and frantic as he searched her face.

“I can't do it.” He blurted out once she was in front of him.

“What?” Maya had no idea what was going on.

“I can't send you with them. I just can't do it, I can't.”

“Cullen, slow down, what are you talking about?”

“I can't send you to him, to your death.” The pain in his eyes broke Maya’s heart.

“You're not, everything will be fine.” She tried to reassure him.

“No, you don't understand. We don't expect anyone to survive. We are knowingly sending every one of you to your deaths. Our numbers are too few, and the odds against us are too great.”

No one had told any of the men about this prediction. While there were rumors spreading through the barracks that this was a suicide mission Maya had paid little attention to them. Now she knew that they had been true and it caught her a little off guard.

“Cullen as you well know that comes with the job.” 

She opened her mouth to continue but he spoke over her. “It doesn't have to. One word from you and I can keep you here. I'll come up with some reason for you to stay.”

“You know you can't do that. You can't treat me any differently than the rest of the men.”

“But I can't lose you Maya, Andraste preserve me if something were to happen to you if you don't return,” he choked before continuing quietly, “I'll never forgive myself.”

“Cullen-”

“There will just be more blood on my hands and I can't live with that.” He was staring at his hands like he could actually see the blood.

“If something happens to me it's not your fault. This is my job, it has to be done.”

Cullen scowled before yelling out in frustration and punching the stone wall next to him. Pain flashed across his face briefly as he brought his hand away from the wall and cradled it against his chest. His eyes were closed and he was breathing heavily as he tried to calm himself down.

When Maya's small fingers closed around his wrist he looked up in surprise. He watched her curiously as she pulled his hand away from his chest to hold it in front of her while she brushed her thumb along the back of it. His eyes softened as she started to plant gentle kisses to each of his bruised and bleeding knuckles. She didn't flinch away from the metallic taste of his blood as she kissed along the back of his hand. When she was finished his hand left hers to cradle her face. He brushed his fingers along her cheek as he gazed into her eyes.

“After everything, you must know how I feel. Maya I-” 

She interrupted him by holding her finger to his lips. She shook her head, “Don't, please, it hurts too much because I can't have you.”

He didn't seem hurt by her words, he looked at her knowingly before pulling her face toward his. Apparently, he didn't need words to express how he felt because Maya could feel every emotion he wanted to convey to her in that kiss. It wasn't as hungry as their first kiss. Instead, it was soft and loving. It wasn't a long kiss either, but it didn't need to be, both of them understood what the other was trying to say.

When he pulled away he planted another kiss to her forehead before whispering “Please come back.” Against her skin. 

He left her standing alone in that small space when he walked away. She could still feel his lips and the warmth of his breath on her forehead as she took a couple of deep breaths before heading back to work.


	23. Chapter 23

The Valley of Sacred Ashes was hell. After arriving, Maya quickly realized that everyone had been right. This was a suicide mission and she had no hopes of coming out of it alive. No one could have imagined just how bad it was really going to be. Corypheus had an entire darkspawn army waiting for them when they arrived along with a red lyrium dragon.

This time there would be no reinforcements. The Commander wouldn't rush in with a new wave of troops to turn the tide of war. There would be no reprieve from the vicious onslaught of attacks. They would simply have to fight until they couldn't fight anymore. None of them had to make it out of this, they were expendable. Just the Inquisitor had to succeed, even if everyone of them was cut down as long as she defeated Corypheus it was worth it.

Maya stood with the rest of the army as they faced off against the darkspawn. The Inquisitor could already be seen making her way up the floating steps toward Corypheus while the dragon circled above. 

Maya's mouth was dry as she swallowed, the air tingled unnaturally with magic. There was no breeze, instead, the air was completely still and it was filled with the stench of the darkspawn that were drawing closer with each breath. She shifted her feet beneath her as she readied her shield. A call went up from somewhere in the darkspawn and suddenly it grew darker. By the time Maya realized that it was arrows that were blocking out the sun she barely had enough time to get her shield up to protect herself from the volley. 

When she put her shield down the darkspawn had already closed half the distance between them as they rushed toward the soldiers. Maya watched in horror as they clashed with the front line and drove straight through. All hell broke loose as the lines were broken and the men separated to give themselves room to fight. 

She began cutting her way through the darkspawn trying to overrun her. She drew upon all of her knowledge, all of her practice and experience that she had just to survive. There were so few men that everyone had to face more darkspawn than they could handle. It was pure chaos, as it was every man for himself. There was no time to help your neighbor as the attacks kept coming. The darkspawn were slowly pushing back the army as they drove into them again and again with new waves of attack.

Maya glanced up at the floating structure. The Inquisitor was halfway up, which meant they still had halfway to go. She ducked quickly as she dodged a rusty blood covered sword that was aimed straight at her neck. She bashed the darkspawn in the face with her shield as she ducked under another swing from a different hurlock. Her sword swung out in that direction blindly as she blocked another blow. She sword collided with something and she pulled it free before swinging it the opposite way.

Suddenly, she was smashed across the face and she fell to her knees. Her ears rung as she looked around in a daze. She watched as the men around her were cut down. Blood gushed from in between the fingers of one young man's hands as he clutched at a neck wound that would soon take his life. Another woman was having a jagged sword ripped from her abdomen. Blood sprayed the hurlock that had killed her as her lifeless body fell in front of him. A head with the helmet still attached rolled past Maya as she tried to stand back up. 

She was smacked in the head again and fell forward onto her hands. She collapsed onto her side and rolled over to face her attacker. A hurlock was above her with his sword aimed directly at her gut. Maya's eyes were only on him for a second before they were drawn to the scene behind him. Her eyes were wide as she watched in terror as a dragon fell from the sky. It slammed into the floating ruins above them and caused huge pieces to fall. 

Maya gasped and covered her head with her arms as the large stone pieces fell toward her. The impact felt like an earthquake. She screamed in agony as part of one of the large jagged pieces landed on the lower part of her right leg. It shattered instantly and Maya could barely breathe through the pain. The hurlock that had been posed to kill her had been struck by the falling pieces but so had half of the Inquisition’s army. 

Maya lay back in shock as she watched the blood seep out from under the rock and pool around it. She wondered how much of it was hers. She could see the remaining Inquisition soldiers around her being cut down. They no longer stood a chance against the darkspawn, there were too few of them left. The darkspawn must have assumed her dead or thought she would soon be as they left her alone.

She laid back and watched the sky as the world began to spin around her. She was breathing too fast and could feel her heart trying to pound out of her chest. A shiver ran through her body as she suddenly became cold. She knew these were all bad signs but there was no way for her to help herself. She was trapped and, from the looks of it, would soon be dead.

She was accepting her fate when the dragon reappeared in the sky above her. She could see two dragons now and they were fighting. The one dragon flew beneath the red lyrium dragon. Maya watched as the lyrium dragon opened its mouth and began breathing fire. It was breathing the fire at the other dragon but Maya realized too late that it was going to miss.

The flames fell so close to her that she could feel them burning her skin. She screamed out in pain as her skin turned red. The fire was barely near her for a second but the damage was done. She whimpered in pain as tears rolled down her cheeks. Her salty tears stung on the red skin of her face. She could still feel the burn which meant it was a second-degree burn and not a third-degree one but that didn't matter. In her already compromised state this would kill her even quicker.

Her bottom lip quivered as tears continued to fall down her face. She was helpless, there was nothing she could do to save herself or anyone else. The smell of burnt flesh and hair hung heavily in the air around her and she felt even sicker. The dragon hadn't only scorched her but it had scorched the corpses around her as well.

Maya laid completely still and blinked up at the sky. She was having even more trouble breathing and the world was growing dimmer but she wanted to appreciate what beauty she could see around her while she still could. 

She gazed up at the sky as she thought about her life. She barely remembered anything from her time before she arrived in Thedas. She hoped no one was missing her, wherever she had come from. She hoped she didn't have a family that was anxiously awaiting her return. Her thoughts drifted to her life in Thedas. It had only been a little over a year but it had felt like a lifetime. She thought of the Inquisition and of everyone she had met. Of their struggle and how they strove to do the right thing, for all of Thedas. She had gotten to meet and work with some amazing people while she was in the Inquisition.

Finally, she thought of Cullen. She hoped her death wouldn't break him. She knew he could get through it. He was a lot stronger than he gave himself credit for. Everyone could see it but him. She wished they could have been together. She understood why they couldn't but that didn't stop her heart from longing for him. The world grew even darker as one final tear rolled down her cheek.

She was about to close her eyes for the last time when footsteps nearby drove her to crack them open. Solas was standing at the bottom of the steps surveying the damage. He walked quietly between the bodies that lay on the ground as his eyes continued to travel over them. When his eyes landed on her they widened and he quickened his step. He crouched next to her and she tried to speak but all that came out was a breathy whine as the air escaped her half-closed throat.

“Da’lath’in,” he placed a hand softly on her forehead and she whimpered. He gave her a sad look as he continued, “I don't think fate brought you here to die but to live.”

On the last word, Maya gasped as she felt a calming warmth spread throughout her body. She watched as green tendrils stretched along her body from his hand and encircled her. His healing magic had an immediate effect and Maya closed her eyes as she felt her body begin to heal.


	24. Chapter 24

“Over here!”

Maya moaned as she regained consciousness. 

“I think she's alive!”

The voice above her spoke again as she managed to take a deep breath. She felt stiff and a slight ache in her leg but her whole body was no longer on fire and she didn't feel sick. She blinked her green eyes open to view a smoke-filled sky. Soon her vision was filled with the face of the Herald who was peering down at her in concern. 

“Who is it?” A voice out of view asked sounding out of breath.

“It's your favorite Inquisition soldier.”

“Salty?! Is she alright?”

The Herald took a closer look at Maya as she blinked up at her. “She's alive and conscious, I think that's more than we could have asked for.”

Varric's face now came into view. He smiled down at her and she managed a weak smile back. 

“How many?” She asked in a croaky voice.

“How many what?” He tilted his head in question. 

“How many survived?” 

He glanced around briefly before looking back down, “Just you.”

Maya let out a pained sigh as she let that sink in. Everyone else had died, Cullen had been right, this was a suicide mission. The only reason she hadn't joined the others was because of Solas.

“Listen Salty, it's not that we’re not happy that you're alright, but from the looks of it, you shouldn't be. There's barely a scratch on you but everyone around you is either burnt to a crisp or crushed under rocks.”

“Solas,” she croaked out before he could continue.

“Varric, let the poor girl get a drink of water before you interrogate her.” The Herald scolded as she helped Maya sit up. 

Maya groaned with the movement which got her sympathetic looks from everyone watching. The Herald pulled a flask of water out from behind her and unscrewed it before placing it at Maya's lips. She encouraged her to drink and held the flask while Maya gulped it down in large sips. She hadn't realized how thirsty she was until the first drop of water passed her lips.

Once she was done drinking the Herald put the flask down and looked at her intently, “Now, what was this about Solas?”

“He healed me.”

“When?”

“Right after the battle ended.”

The Herald appeared to be deep in thought, “I didn't see him come down here.” She said more to herself than anyone else. She shook her head seemingly to clear her thoughts before looking back at Maya, “Well I'm glad you survived, we’ll get you on a wagon and back to Skyhold in no time.

Maya's leg was wrapped and she was given a crutch just in case the ache she felt meant it wasn't fully healed. The journey back to Skyhold was both solemn and joyous. On one hand, they had won, Corypheus had been defeated and Thedas was safe from his threat. On the other hand, they all mourned the large loss of life during the battle. They were returning with barely anyone left. Maya's heart broke for the families of all of the men and women they had lost.

When they finally made it back to Skyhold they brought the horses and wagons right up the path and were greeted by a throng of people. All of Skyhold had come out to meet them and celebrate their victory. The courtyard was completely full of soldiers, nobles and other members of the Inquisition. 

Maya was helped out of her wagon then left standing by herself in front of the gates. She watched the sea of people in front of her. Everyone was congratulating the Inquisitor and her companions. They separated as she walked through and made a path for her up to the main hall. Maya watched as they walked by before picking up her bag and limping in that direction as well.

She didn't make it very far before she was cut off by more people. She decided to wait until the courtyard had emptied before trying to go anywhere so she could avoid being knocked over. So she stood with her crutch under one arm and her bag on the ground next to her.

She examined the crowd of people in front of her before her eyes locked on one person. Cullen was looking around frantically as he pushed his way through the crowd. He eyes roved anxiously over the people in front of him as he searched. She watched him do a double take when he finally spotted her. All of the tension left his body as he stopped moving completely and let the crowd push past him. The look of pure relief on his face was indescribable.

Maya's eyes locked on his and never left them as he slowly made his way toward her. He stopped a few feet in front of her and glanced down her body, his eyes lingering on her leg before he closed the distance between them and pulled her into a hug. She dropped her crutch as she was pulled forcefully into his strong arms. He squeezed her so tightly she could barely breathe. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and just held her. Maya could feel him trembling with relief. 

He finally pulled back and looked into her eyes while brushing the hair from her face. “They said there was one survivor and I didn't dare hope that-” he choked as he tucked more blonde hair behind her ear. “If you hadn't come back I don't know what I would have done. I'm so happy you came back to me.” He tensed at his own words, “But you didn't, did you? You were never mine in the first place.” Defeated, he dropped his hands back to his sides.

“Cullen-” she started to speak before he cut her off by holding up his hand.

“Don't, that's not important right now.” He took a deep breath before the smile returned to his face. “What's important is that you're alright and that's more than I could have asked for.” She smiled up at him and they gazed at each other for a moment. “Here, let me get that for you,” Cullen said, breaking their trance as he stooped to retrieve her crutch for her. He then grabbed her bag and carried it for her as he walked her to the main hall.

A feast was held in honor of the Inquisitor and her victory. Everyone at Skyhold was in attendance including Maya. She watched as everyone mingled together and celebrated their victory. The Inquisitor gave a speech as well as the Ambassador. It was a grand event and everyone looked happy and relieved. 

Maya stood off to the side. She didn't feel like participating in the celebration. She wasn't hungry and she had considered drinking to ease her mind but had decided against it. So, she stood alone in a dark corner of the room and watched everyone else enjoy themselves. Maya couldn't be as happy as everyone else, she had seen the price of victory and it was steep. None of the nobles had been there to watch their friends cut down in front of them. None of them had heard their screams, seen their blood, or smelled their burnt flesh. All of them would be able to sleep soundly at night without those images running through their mind. They would never have to relive the horrors of war through nightmares like she did.

Maya closed her eyes and felt a single tear slide down her cheek. She bit her bottom lip to keep it from quivering as she took in a deep breath. Suddenly, she felt a presence next to her. A large gloved hand grabbed hers and intertwined their fingers. A thumb brushed across the back of her hand in a constant soothing motion. She opened her eyes but didn't look next to her, she didn't have to. She knew who was standing next to her and who was holding her hand and she knew if she looked at him she would lose it completely. So she just let him hold her hand and comfort her with his presence.

After Maya had helped clean up from the party she retired to her quarters. She had asked the healer for a sleeping potion beforehand because she knew that after what had happened over the last couple of days she wouldn't be able to sleep on her own. She drank the soothingly cool green liquid in the flask she had been given and then laid down on her cot. It took her longer than she had expected to fall asleep.

Sometime in the night, she awoke with a start. She shot upright in bed as she gasped. She could feel the cold night air already drying the sweat that covered her body. Her hands still had a tight grip on the sheets and it took her a moment to finally release them. She couldn't believe it.

“I remember,” she whispered into the darkness around her.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is Maya's backstory which probably isn't as interesting as you may have hoped, but it's what I had in mind since the beginning so it's what you get. Also, most of this chapter is nsfw because we finally get to the reason that this story is rated explicit. What can I say I like happy smutty endings ;)

Maya’s gasping breaths filled the otherwise silent night as she sat in shock. It took her a moment to gather herself before she climbed out of bed and grabbed her coat off the wall as she left her room. The night was cold and she wrapped her coat tightly around herself as her bare feet padded along the familiar battlements of Skyhold. She was deep in thought and only stopped walking when she almost ran into a door. Her feet had taken her exactly where she needed to go, Cullen’s office. She knocked on the door a couple of times and waited but when she didn't hear anything from the other side she continued to knock.

“Hold on, I'm coming.” A sleep filled voice called out from inside. 

She heard movement behind the door and then the handle rattled as it was pulled open. Cullen was still rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he peered at her. 

“Oh,” he exclaimed once he noticed who it was, his eyes filling with warm recognition. Despite how she was feeling, Maya couldn't help the smile that spread across her face at the sight of him. He wore a loose white shirt that was open at the neck and his blonde hair was a tousled mess on the top of his head. Sleepy was a good look on him. “Maya, are you alright? Do you need something?” He glanced over her, “Where's your crutch?”

“I don't need it.” She shifted on her feet anxiously, “Can I come in?” 

“Of course.” He moved out of her way to let her through the door before closing it softly behind her. “Maya is something wrong?”

Maya walked to the middle of the room and stood facing away from him. She bit her lip and wrung her hands in front of her for a moment before turning to face him. 

“Cullen…” she started softly before trailing off and looking away from him. She took a deep breath before continuing, “I remember.”

The intent look on his face shifted to one of surprise, “Everything?” He asked in shock.

“Everything,” she confirmed in a soft voice. She watched him as she let that sink in. He looked away from her briefly but when she started to speak again his eyes snapped back to her. “You were right, I'm not from here.”

“Then where are you from?”

“A place called Earth, where Thedas doesn't even exist.” Maya shook her head, “This place isn't even real in my world.”

“Well it's obviously real.” He said, sitting on the corner of his desk and gesturing his hands to everything around them. “You're here now.”

“I don't know what's real anymore.” She stated in a quiet voice. Her eyes were on the ground as she was lost in thought for a moment. When she glanced back up Cullen had his head cocked and he was looking at her in concern. She let out a heavy breath, “My name is Maya and I'm 23 years old. I had a normal middle-class upbringing with a good family. I went to college for marine biology after high school and that's when I met my boyfriend and everything turned bad.” 

She took a breath and checked his reaction. He looked back at her expectantly, waiting for her to continue. 

“His name was Kyle and he was older than me. He was nice at first and he treated me well but as time went on it got worse. He got mean and rude, it started out with little things like name calling and yelling but then it got physical. I remember the first time he hit me. He slapped me across the face for talking back to him and from there it just got worse. He convinced me to drop out of college and move in with him and that's when the abuse really escalated. Any little thing I did could set him off and he would beat me senseless.”

She glanced up at Cullen again when he made a noise. His eyes were on the ground and he was scowling. He had a tight grip on the desk beneath him and the wood creaked with the strength of his hold on it.

He didn't look back up at her as she continued. “I finally came to my senses and decided I wanted out but I was afraid to leave. So I started small, I prepared by taking money and packing things away without him noticing. Before I had a chance to leave however he told me we were going to take a vacation. He wanted to rent a boat and take it out on the water. I only went along with it because I wasn't ready to leave yet, I was trying to buy myself more time.” 

She took a shaky breath as the memories came crashing back to her. Cullen was looking at her again, still maintaining his tight grip on the desk. He looked tense and almost angry but she knew it wasn't with her. His eyes softened with sadness and understanding when they met hers.

“He proposed while we were on the boat. He didn't even give me a chance to respond before he slid the ring on my finger. I didn't fight it though because I didn't want to make him angry, but when he tried to force himself on me that night I snapped. I couldn't take it anymore, I fought him off of me and ran outside. I tried to get the ring off and throw it overboard because when the police found my body I didn't want them to think that I had agreed to marry him, but it was stuck on my finger. I knew he was capable of killing me, he was so angry at me.”

Her voice quivered as she tried to swallow the lump in her throat. At this, Cullen stood up from where he was leaning against the desk and took a small step toward her.

“We were on a boat so I had nowhere to go. He followed me out onto the deck, it was dark and storming out, I was scared. He grabbed me around the neck and started choking me. I tried to fight him off but he was so much stronger than me that there was nothing I could do. He was yelling at me telling me he knew I want to leave and if he couldn't have me then no one could. My vision was starting to tunnel when he suddenly bashed my head into the railing and threw me overboard. I tried to fight the waves but I was barely conscious and sunk below the surface. I should have died but instead, I washed up here.” She looked up at him with tears in her eyes as her bottom lip quivered. “I was so stupid, I thought he loved me.”

She was suddenly surrounded in warmth as Cullen embraced her. She placed her cheek on his chest as he planted a gentle kiss on her head. “That's not love, Maya.” He whispered into her hair. “No one who truly loves you would ever hurt you like that. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I promise he will never hurt you again.”

She pulled away from him slightly and looked down at the ring on the chain around her neck. She ripped it off and threw it across the room. She glanced up at Cullen. “I'm not married.” She whispered biting her lip in anticipation of his reaction.

He smirked down at her, “So it seems.” He stroked a thumb across her cheek. “Do you really want this?”

“Yes.” She replied before he had barely finished the question. 

“Do you trust me? 

“Of course,”

“I just, I need you to know that I will never hurt you, not like he did.”

“I know,” she brushed her fingers along his jaw. “But trust goes both ways, Cullen.”

“So it does,” he looked at her for a moment before letting out a heavy sigh. “It's lyrium withdrawal. I stopped taking it when I left the order and it's been harder to deal with than I expected. I knew it was going to be hard but…” he trailed off.

“Are you alright? Couldn't this kill you?” She peered up at him, concern etched all over her face.

“It could, but it won't.” He reassured her, “You shouldn't worry.” They gazed at each other for a moment longer before he bent his head and planted a soft kiss on her lips. He pulled back and rested his forehead against hers. “I've dreamed of the day that I could do that without guilt. And now that it's finally here I can hardly believe it.”

Maya smirked, her eyes were still closed as she let his warm breath and loving words wash over her. His lips found hers again and she kissed him back as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He pulled her body tightly to his as his hands roamed over her back.

He was so loving and gentle with her that it made her heart swell. She was so used to being abused and mistreated that this was a foreign feeling to her. He was gentle but passionate and Maya could feel all of his pent-up emotions being poured into that kiss. She wanted more, she felt so right with him that she knew she was right where she belonged. 

One hand massaged the back of her neck as he tilted her head up while his other hand cupped her butt. She sighed as he licked into her mouth and deepened the kiss. Both of her hands were in his hair before they gripped the front of his shirt as she pulled herself to her toes to kiss him harder. 

Cullen groaned and picked her up around his waist. He walked them across the room and sat down in his desk chair with her on his lap. They were barely seated before his hands were busy unbuttoning her coat. He pushed it off her shoulders and pulled back so she could take it off. Maya heard his breath hitch when he caught sight of her. She was wearing only a breast band and smalls. Her eyes looked down over herself before she glanced up at him through her lashes. His hungry eyes fixed on hers and soon he was devouring her mouth again with a passionate kiss.

As he kissed her she let her hands travel under his shirt and up his sides and back. She drug her nails down his sides as she bit his lower lip. He groaned and pulled back to look at her, his eyes filled with desire. Maya's eyes were just as dark as his as she grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it up. He helped her take it off before immediately falling back onto her.

Maya threw her head back to expose more of her neck to him as he kissed and licked down her body. He nipped at her collarbone causing her to jerk and grab his head. She was panting already and her hips seemed to have a mind of their own as they moved in small circles against him. He was already hard beneath her and he moaned as she ground her hips against him.

She felt him unfasten her breast band and she let it fall away from her body. The cold night air made her nipples harden even further and she arched into his touch as he cupped her breasts. He flicked a thumb over her nipple drawing a deep moan from her. She cracked her heavy-lidded eyes to look at him as she felt him shift. He sat back in the chair and gazed at her as his hands traveled over her body.

He brushed his hands along her sides. His rough calloused fingers danced across her skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake. Their eyes locked for a moment before he leaned forward and sucked one of her nipples into his mouth. Maya moaned and thrust her chest toward him as her hands came up to cradle his head. He kissed and sucked at her breast while his hand kneaded the other one. 

As he moved further down her body he pushed her backward to lay back on his lap. Her head was hanging off his lap as he kissed down her stomach and swirled his tongue in her belly button. She jerked at the sensation and her hands gripped his pants. He chuckled at her, his breath blowing across her wet skin as he sat her back up. 

He slid out from underneath her and sat her in the chair as he knelt in front of it. He kissed up one leg and then the other, careful to avoid the heat between her legs. She watched him with lust filled eyes as he kissed along the hem of her smalls. He finally hooked his fingers in the waistband and pulled them down her legs.

He spread her legs and sat between them as he kissed her inner thigh. Maya's hips were already moving as she tried to bring his mouth in contact with her mound. He smirked as he watched her desperately writhe above him. She was about to start begging when he locked his eyes on hers, spread her open and licked up her slit. 

Maya gasped as she slid further down the chair. She gripped the arms of it as her hips remained in motion. She couldn't stop moaning as he licked and sucked at her. He pulled back to suck two fingers into his mouth before he placed them at her entrance and sunk them into her. Her back arched off the chair and she gripped the arms of it harder, digging her fingers nails into the wood. She bit her lip as she tried to stifle her moans.

His other hand was on her hip as he tried to hold her in place. Maya reached up and cupped her breasts before twisted her nipples between her fingers. Cullen caught sight of this and moaned into her. The vibrations pushed her over the edge and she gasped as her tensed and shook. Her thighs had slammed shut around Cullen's head and only released when she finally relaxed.

She was panting as she watched him kiss her one last time before standing up. She sat up quickly and reached for him before he could move. He stayed completely still as her fingers worked at the laces of his breeches. Once they were undone she reached inside and wrapped her hand around him. She looked up as he groaned and closed his eyes

She pumped him in her hand a few times before he pulled away from her to remove his breeches. In one swift motion, he had picked her up off the chair and taken her seat before setting her down on his lap again. 

They looked at each other for a moment before Maya raised up and guided him to her entrance. She slid him along her wet heat a couple of times before finally sinking down onto him. She gasped and braced her hands on his chest as his length filled her completely. He let out a strangled breath as his hands firmly gripped her hips.

Once she was seated fully on his lap again she sighed and leaned forward to rest her forehead against his. “So this is what love feels like.” She whispered into the air between them.

“I love you more than you could know.” He replied as he gazed into her eyes. 

“I love you too Cullen.” She replied as she kissed him and began to move in his lap.

They continued to kiss as she ground her hips against him. Slowly at first as she got used to the feeling of him inside of her. She moved faster as their need became apparent. He swallowed her moans as his hands helped move her hips in his lap. 

She changed her position and began to rise and fall on him. He pulled back and held her hair away from her face as he looked into her eyes. His hips were moving beneath her as he tried to meet her thrusts with his own. They were both gasping for breath as she continued to move. 

Her legs started to cramp so she straightened them through the sides of the chair. Cullen cupped under her thighs and lifted her up enough to give him room to thrust into her. She clung to him as she felt the heat start to pool in her belly.

He grunted as he slammed her down into his lap and Maya could feel him throbbing inside of her. She came with him at the sensation and screamed through her release as her legs shook violently. 

She collapsed against him as he groaned for the last time and went still beneath her. They were both gasping and covered in sweat and she could feel his heart pounding against her chest. She lifted her head when she felt his hand against her cheek. He was gazing at her lovingly with a look of contentment on his face.

“I'm sorry, I should have asked before I did that. If you're not protected we can get you a potion in the morning.”

She furrowed her brow at this, “What?”

“I'm assuming you don't want a child yet.”

“Oh,” she looked away from him. 

“Is something wrong?” He asked, his hand on her cheek trying to pull her gaze back to him. 

“I probably should have told you this before because I know it can be a deal breaker but,” she paused before saying quietly. “I can't have kids.” Her eyes wouldn't meet his as she spoke. 

“Oh,” he said sadly, “I'm so sorry.” His hand under her chin raised her eyes to meet his. “But that doesn't change my love for you.” He said with a smile.

“You don't want kids?”

“I've always wanted children and it's sad to think that one day a little girl won't be running around with your beautiful green eyes.” He stroked her face as he spoke. “But that's not the only way to have children. Thedas was just ravaged by a war I'm sure there are plenty of children without homes.”

“Adoption?” He smiled and nodded.

Maya smiled back widely and kissed him before resting her head on his chest again as his arms encircled her. She was definitely right where she belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end!  
> Thank you so much for reading this story! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Any comments you have for me are greatly appreciated even if it's constructive criticism because I can only learn from my mistakes if you point them out :)  
> I'm also thinking of doing maybe a follow up story or two but I haven't decided so if you liked this story you may want to look for those in the future.


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